I’ve never been convinced that “organization skills” can be taught; those who are organized can become better organized, and for those whose natural inclination is chaos — disorganization — you can offer guidelines, suggestions, and recommendations and, if you’re lucky, some may penetrate and get used, but in the end, I think, disorganization tends to win out because of the habitual penchant toward disarray. I have no evidence of this, just an observation based on teaching organization skills for 30 years.
I wonder whether those whose lives — at least behind the scenes — tend to be messy and haphazard might be encouraged to make changes if they knew the benefits of getting organized. The key to remember is, “Organized minds make successful people.” At Life Organizers.com, Maria Gracia, in an essay entitled, “10 Little-Known Benefits of Getting Organized,” lists ones that I have discovered in my life as well. The first one is that becoming organized will give you more time to relax. When things are in their proper places, you can find them quickly, but you must remember to put them back for the next time. Remembering to put them back is difficult, especially for procrastinators who will always claim, “I’ll do that later.” Just that little act — remembering to put them back — is likely to be a key to lowering blood pressure and stress.
Another benefit is that getting organized will give you more time to do other things. I am often asked, “How do you get so much accomplished?” The simple answer is organization. I always wish I could be more organized, but if you are a workaholic, the pay off is clearly in the bottom line — quantity. Quality occurs in how you go about getting the results. More time to do other things includes more time for yourself, loved ones, family, and friends.
For me, Gracia’s fourth benefit is especially important: feeling good about your environment. Often, just before beginning a new writing project, I will clean up my entire study and try to get rid of all the excessive and unnecessary pages or manuscripts. My problem is clutter, it is true, but what is most important is that I know where things are when I need them.
Professional improvement and being a role model do not concern me as much as Gracia’s final, tenth, benefit: “You'll achieve more. When you're disorganized, there are always barriers that keep you from reaching your goals. But organized people find ways to eliminate tasks that aren't necessary and to streamline those that are taking too much time. This leaves plenty of time to work on achieving all of those goals on your list.”
It may be that none of these are sufficiently enticing, or it may be that even though they are, you may still wonder how you — personally — can get organized. My suggestions are incredibly easy and, for me, successful. Often, the primary problem boils down to one thing: you! You are likely to be your own worst enemy. There are four overall characteristics that will guide you in following each of the suggestions: 1) commitment, 2) self-discipline, 3) eliminate procrastination, and 4) ignore distractions. If just a little push is necessary to start the process, then here is that push.
My first suggestion is to begin using a planner. This is more important for those who have a lot of appointments or for those whose days are so varied that it is difficult to keep track of the schedule. You can do this the old-fashioned way with a pocket-sized notepad, or use a PDA, Blackberry or palm Pilot. With a PDA, if you back it up at least once a week, and back up your computer at least once a month, you will always have a copy of your address book, calendar, and task list.
Closely related to using a planner is the “to-do-list.” I like daily lists, then those items not completed are simply carried over to the next list. When very busy, it helps to free your mind so you can concentrate on what you’re doing right now: you just don’t have to think or worry that you might forget to do something. PDAs hold lists, prioritize items, and assign each a due date.
Making a “to-do-list” is also useful for combining similar activities. For example, I have a list for everything I want to do when I get in the car to run errands. Order on this list is important for saving time. Completeness is important for finishing everything in a single trip. You can get organized in much the same way by doing things at the same time: making your phone calls, paying your bills, and getting your e-mails answered.
Another simple suggestion is to organize your work space. The space I work in is extremely important. Give everything you use and need a separate, convenient, and clearly designated space. Everything I need is at my fingertips — paper, dictionary, thesaurus, pens, pencils, markers, scissors, rulers, tape, stapler, a clock, telephone, and supporting books and documents. What is unnecessary is thrown out. Examine how you use your space and design it to be efficient and convenient.
Related to space concerns is the aphorism, “A place for everything and everything in its place” to which I just referred. Find a specific place for your keys, cell phone and charging station, checks (if you use them) and bills. I also have a place for my wallet, daily journal, dark glasses, pen, single blade knife, lip balm, and change. When leaving the house no time is spent looking for essentials.
Another simple suggestion for getting organized is multi-tasking. Technology has assisted. Organize your study, a drawer or cabinet, or do dishes while talking on the phone. Fold clothes or towels while watching television. Listen to books-on-tape while driving
Realize that making these changes overnight — as small as some of them are — is almost impossible. Change cannot take place that quickly. Disorganization is as much a habit as getting organized, once it is accomplished. Make little changes, starting for example, with one small area of your life or living area — papers, computer files, clothes, linen closet, kitchen, mail, children’s room. When successful there, move on to another area. Now, reward yourself for the completion of each goal you set — a night at a favorite restaurant, a movie, or a relaxing walk in the park. Getting organized may be tough, but the rewards make it worthwhile; it is an important area for self-improvement.
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At WebMD, there are at least 16 tips on how to get organized in the essay there, “How to get organized—Finally!”—an essay by Hara Estroff Marano reprinted from Psychology Today. Just enter “Get organized” into the Google search window, and you will get nearly 20 million hits.
At WikiHow, there is so much information in the essay, “How to be organized,” that just reading it or clicking on the additional resources icons will keep you busy for a day or two. This is an excellent website.
There are 13 suggestions in the essay, “How to get organized,” at the eHow.com website. I have discovered—as I’m sure you know already—that organizing skills at home or at work, carry over nicely into all other areas of your life; thus, putting these ideas into practice will assist you in a wide variety of areas.
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Copyright August, 2010, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Is there an erosion of standards?
In the editorial section of the March 1, 2007, edition of The (Toledo) Blade, there was an “Another Opinion” column reprinted from the Washington Post entitled “Dismal performance of high school seniors,” and the article states that, “high school seniors, though taking more advanced classes and getting better grades, are performing dismally on national tests.” The article goes on to answer the question, “Why?” with the following explanation: “Advanced classes may have high-falutin’ course descriptions, but the curriculum has been dumbed down. Pressure to pass students has caused grade inflation.” The article ends saying academic standards and accountability must be raised, “so students graduating from high school are able to meet the demands of college work.”
In reading this column I was struck by the fact that the erosion of standards in America’s public high schools isn’t the only area where erosion is taking place. It can be seen in higher education, language, manners, honesty, television, sex, and ethics as well as in many other areas.
The United States is recognized as having the world’s best system of higher education, but that doesn’t mean the system is graduating students who are prepared to understand the world or, more importantly, have benefitted from the wisdom of the great thinkers, writers, scientists, and historians. Students today have little interest in what past generations of college students accepted as an essential education. For a growing number of college students, higher education is all about focusing on a career path and studying narrowly about the skills required of that career path. This short-cut route to postgraduate adulthood leaves behind the building blocks of an educated person. Today the ideas of Oprah and Tom Cruise’s blog musings are held in higher regard than Plato’s Republic or Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice.
In addition to higher education, the ability to use the English language has eroded. The chances are that a graduating college student will be unable to write ordinary, expository English with any real degree of structure or lucidity. A high school student planning to attend college is unlikely to be able to write English at the minimum college level when they get there. If students are not planning to attend college, their skills in writing English may not even qualify them for secretarial or clerical work. Students in elementary school are not being given the kind of required reading material, much less writing instruction, that would make it possible for them eventually to write comprehensible English.
Manners is another area where standards have eroded. One poll found that we’re ruder than ever, and it can be witnessed in the daily assault of selfish, inconsiderate behavior on the highways, in the office, on television, and in stores. In this same poll, nearly 8 in 10 respondents said lack of respect and courtesy is a serious national problem, and 61% agreed that there is more rude behavior today than in the past. We’re rude, and we’re mean: there’s road rage, air rage, cellphone rage, checkout rage, bike rage, sports rage, parking rage, rail rage, bank rage, roller rage, boat rage, desk rage, car alarm rage, and drivers who even honk at people on crutches. According to one expert, there’s also “funeral rage”—people actually flip the bird and cut off funeral processions.
The erosion of honesty in our society is shameful. Dishonest practices, bold-faced lies, and scams are so pervasive in the auto repair business that dealers and repair-shop owners no longer consider themselves dishonest. If everyone else is doing it, that makes it “normal behavior.” That dishonesty, however, pales in comparison to deliberately misleading advertisements, corruption, miscarriages of justice, tax evasion, unnecessary medical procedures, harassment of whistle-blowers, and all other forms of dishonesty. The threat to democracy and a free economy is not from attacks on our country by religious zealots but terrorism carried out daily by a den of thieves.
Television, too, contributes to an erosion of standards. Much of the news media has focused on violence, but that is a small part of the problem. There are explicit sex scenes and crude language during prime time and pornographic content on talk shows and soap operas. Television assaults the values that many Americans hold dear. Our culture has been hijacked and replaced by something that openly rejects, rather than reflects, the values people try to instill in their families. In the world of television, sex is a recreational pastime, indecency is a cause for laughter, and humans are killed as casually and senselessly as bugs. It is a coarse caricature of the America people love.
There has been an erosion of standards in the area of sex as standards of sexual morality have been dropped. Television, movies, popular songs, and the printed media present an enormous temptation towards sexual misconduct. The lack of personal discipline and self control regarding sexual matters has caused difficulty and is likely to be reflected in the increases in teen pregnancies, abortions, adultery, sexual abuse of children, AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. One poll indicated that one in five Americans have a sexually transmitted disease.
When there is an erosion of standards in manners, honesty, and sex, you would expect it to be reflected in the area of ethics as well. Americans have witnessed a significant number of individual ethical lapses that have resulted in organizational and systemic failures. Corporate malfeasance, sexual abuse by priests coupled with woefully inadequate responses by church hierarchy, unethical and corrupt acts by government officials, an increase in cheating by students, and the fabrication of scientific evidence by researchers, violations of journalistic integrity, and violations of the standards of fair play in athletics, are just a few examples where ethical lapses have occurred.
This essay has barely touched the surface of an enormous erosion of standards, but one fact is clear, such erosion undermines individual responsibility and civic values, harms individuals, generates a loss of public trust in the institutions of our society, and leaves everyone searching for guideposts—instructions on how to proceed when faced with complex emerging issues.
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At the website Helium.com, the title of the entry is: “Does the erosion of moral values also erode the strength of our society?” The discussion of this question is provided by Clint Daniel with the opposing side offered by Michelle R. Bishop. Both sides of the discussion are interesting and worth reading.
At the Flaming Liberal! website, the essay there, “Society at the crosswords,” covers far more ethical lapses than the essay above. The essay includes the following parts: 1. The Erosion of Ethics, 2. The Source of Values, and 3. Capitalism as a system of ethics, and 4. Is there another way? I like the solution that Gordon Glasgow, the author of this essay, offers readers. Read the essay and decide for yourself.
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Copyright August, 2010, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.
In reading this column I was struck by the fact that the erosion of standards in America’s public high schools isn’t the only area where erosion is taking place. It can be seen in higher education, language, manners, honesty, television, sex, and ethics as well as in many other areas.
The United States is recognized as having the world’s best system of higher education, but that doesn’t mean the system is graduating students who are prepared to understand the world or, more importantly, have benefitted from the wisdom of the great thinkers, writers, scientists, and historians. Students today have little interest in what past generations of college students accepted as an essential education. For a growing number of college students, higher education is all about focusing on a career path and studying narrowly about the skills required of that career path. This short-cut route to postgraduate adulthood leaves behind the building blocks of an educated person. Today the ideas of Oprah and Tom Cruise’s blog musings are held in higher regard than Plato’s Republic or Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice.
In addition to higher education, the ability to use the English language has eroded. The chances are that a graduating college student will be unable to write ordinary, expository English with any real degree of structure or lucidity. A high school student planning to attend college is unlikely to be able to write English at the minimum college level when they get there. If students are not planning to attend college, their skills in writing English may not even qualify them for secretarial or clerical work. Students in elementary school are not being given the kind of required reading material, much less writing instruction, that would make it possible for them eventually to write comprehensible English.
Manners is another area where standards have eroded. One poll found that we’re ruder than ever, and it can be witnessed in the daily assault of selfish, inconsiderate behavior on the highways, in the office, on television, and in stores. In this same poll, nearly 8 in 10 respondents said lack of respect and courtesy is a serious national problem, and 61% agreed that there is more rude behavior today than in the past. We’re rude, and we’re mean: there’s road rage, air rage, cellphone rage, checkout rage, bike rage, sports rage, parking rage, rail rage, bank rage, roller rage, boat rage, desk rage, car alarm rage, and drivers who even honk at people on crutches. According to one expert, there’s also “funeral rage”—people actually flip the bird and cut off funeral processions.
The erosion of honesty in our society is shameful. Dishonest practices, bold-faced lies, and scams are so pervasive in the auto repair business that dealers and repair-shop owners no longer consider themselves dishonest. If everyone else is doing it, that makes it “normal behavior.” That dishonesty, however, pales in comparison to deliberately misleading advertisements, corruption, miscarriages of justice, tax evasion, unnecessary medical procedures, harassment of whistle-blowers, and all other forms of dishonesty. The threat to democracy and a free economy is not from attacks on our country by religious zealots but terrorism carried out daily by a den of thieves.
Television, too, contributes to an erosion of standards. Much of the news media has focused on violence, but that is a small part of the problem. There are explicit sex scenes and crude language during prime time and pornographic content on talk shows and soap operas. Television assaults the values that many Americans hold dear. Our culture has been hijacked and replaced by something that openly rejects, rather than reflects, the values people try to instill in their families. In the world of television, sex is a recreational pastime, indecency is a cause for laughter, and humans are killed as casually and senselessly as bugs. It is a coarse caricature of the America people love.
There has been an erosion of standards in the area of sex as standards of sexual morality have been dropped. Television, movies, popular songs, and the printed media present an enormous temptation towards sexual misconduct. The lack of personal discipline and self control regarding sexual matters has caused difficulty and is likely to be reflected in the increases in teen pregnancies, abortions, adultery, sexual abuse of children, AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. One poll indicated that one in five Americans have a sexually transmitted disease.
When there is an erosion of standards in manners, honesty, and sex, you would expect it to be reflected in the area of ethics as well. Americans have witnessed a significant number of individual ethical lapses that have resulted in organizational and systemic failures. Corporate malfeasance, sexual abuse by priests coupled with woefully inadequate responses by church hierarchy, unethical and corrupt acts by government officials, an increase in cheating by students, and the fabrication of scientific evidence by researchers, violations of journalistic integrity, and violations of the standards of fair play in athletics, are just a few examples where ethical lapses have occurred.
This essay has barely touched the surface of an enormous erosion of standards, but one fact is clear, such erosion undermines individual responsibility and civic values, harms individuals, generates a loss of public trust in the institutions of our society, and leaves everyone searching for guideposts—instructions on how to proceed when faced with complex emerging issues.
-----
At the website Helium.com, the title of the entry is: “Does the erosion of moral values also erode the strength of our society?” The discussion of this question is provided by Clint Daniel with the opposing side offered by Michelle R. Bishop. Both sides of the discussion are interesting and worth reading.
At the Flaming Liberal! website, the essay there, “Society at the crosswords,” covers far more ethical lapses than the essay above. The essay includes the following parts: 1. The Erosion of Ethics, 2. The Source of Values, and 3. Capitalism as a system of ethics, and 4. Is there another way? I like the solution that Gordon Glasgow, the author of this essay, offers readers. Read the essay and decide for yourself.
-----
Copyright August, 2010, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Family members as role models—the first school for young children
When my oldest son was eight years old, I was mowing the lawn, and he was walking in my tracks with his plastic lawnmower, following every line, making every turn, and doing exactly what I was doing. I would wash our car, and exactly the same behavior would take place; he would follow every movement precisely as I preceded him. This, of course, is the obvious imitation that we all see and sometimes capture with a camera or video recorder. Imitation, however, often runs much deeper, is less noticeable, and has more profound consequences in the lives of our children. It goes without saying that parents, caregivers, and family members are vital to the healthy development and growth of children. Little kids are like sponges—soaking up what they see and hear.
I have been a writer all of my married life, but one thing my wife made clear very early was that regardless of the time I needed at the typewriter/ computer, it was not just important but necessary for me to be available to our children whenever they asked for attention. I would take the time to listen to them and talk with them and, often, this took place on my lap in my study. Those were precious moments (and over so quickly!) Now, I treat my grandchildren in precisely the same way.
I thought about this the other day when Mckenzie (9 years old) came into my study to say hello. She asked what I was doing, although she knows that I write and is familiar with the signs because she has seen them so many times before. I stopped and explained the essay I was writing, and I showed her the notes I was using. The notes were part of the daily diary I keep. She said that she keeps a diary, too, and I let her know what a good idea that is because although our minds are good at remembering things, often it is the specific details that slip away as time passes.
I showed her some of the entries I had written; I even went back ten or twenty years and showed her some of my earlier diaries. Mckenzie is a writer, so I showed her the notes I take when my wife and I travel. She was able to see the process I use as I convert information into essays. Mckenzie and I, just like our other seven grandchildren, have a warm, comfortable, friendly, talk-oriented relationship. The Bible says “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverbs, 22:6).” Caring adults make huge differences.
Just as parents are vital to the healthy development and growth of children, grandparents serve a vital role as well. For example, we can show our love and concern by telling them we love them, showing affection by hugging and kissing them or holding their hands when we go for a walk. We also make time for special family fun activities.
Another way grandparents serve a vital role is through communication. Our grandchildren not only have excellent communication skills, but the channels of communication with us have always been open; we listen to them when they talk. We find out what is going on in their lives, what they liked best when we visit a museum or zoo, and what their likes and dislikes are. We find out about their friends, favorite toys, and the things they like doing the most. Around the table when we eat, they know they can talk and share their ideas with us and other adults.
By listening to our grandchildren, we show them respect. When there is an argument or fight between them, we discuss ways to solve problems without arguing or fighting. Also, we seek their ideas for helping to resolve issues. We explain that their anger, humiliation, or embarrassment is normal, but they must deal with it in peaceful, meaningful, and constructive ways. Physical force and intimidation don’t solve problems. Problem solving occurs when there is both respect and supportive, positive communication.
There are many ways to obtain peaceful solutions to problems. The first is to talk clearly and calmly. When they can state the problem and their desire to solve it without fighting, they have moved toward resolving it. If they can inject humor into the situation by making fun of the problem, it can change the situation from one of hostility and confrontation to friendliness and amelioration. The art of compromise suggests that conflict situations can have win-win outcomes when both parties are willing to give up something. Also, kids can be told that it takes more guts and self-respect to walk away from a fight than to fight.
There is no doubt that parents are a child’s first teachers and role models. Usually, too, children are more affected by what their parents do than by what their parents say. They learn how to behave by seeing how their mothers and fathers behave, and they follow their example. It is like a computer’s default pattern. That is, when given no specific instructions on how the computer is supposed to deal with a situation, it falls back on the programming it has stored in its memory, and it uses the instructions in that programming.
Mothers and fathers need to be aware of the “lessons” they are unintentionally teaching their children. Children learn without parents realizing it. For example, a great discussion was taking place at the dinner table one day between the adults, and it was thought that all the kids had gone downstairs to play. Suddenly, one adult turned to see that the oldest of our grandchildren was seated at the table where she had finishing eating, and she was totally absorbed by and involved with the discussion taking place. She just smiled, knowing that the adults thought none of the kids were listening—and, yet, there she was: absorbing, thinking, learning.
Have you ever listened to your children playing house? Often the language they use as they discipline or punish a younger sister or brother takes place in the same sharp tones you use when scolding. The way your children are treated will directly determine how they treat others. The kinds of things that occupy their interests are precisely those that take place daily around them. If they use “please” and “thank you” it is only because these good manners are insisted upon by considerate, respectful, and concerned parents. A Chinese proverb says, “A young branch takes on all the bends that one gives it.”
Valuing children as human beings, revealing consistency between what you do and what you expect children to do, creating a positive and supportive home atmosphere, accentuating the positive, and modeling and explaining effective, expected behaviors, are just some of the ways adults can influence children. “Family,” says Alice Sterling Honig, a child development specialist, is the first school for young children....”
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At Family Guide, the essay, “Be a good role model: Somebody is watching you,” is an excellent one and underscores what I have said in the essay above. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)—which sponsors this website—ends the essay saying: “Your values, opinions, and example carry more weight with your child than you may have thought. By providing a positive model for your child to follow, you set a good example on how to successfully navigate life's conflicts and negative messages-and to choose healthy behaviors that will follow into adulthood.”
At Dragos Roua — Brilliantly Better, the essay, “Stop Looking at Role Models to Do the Dirty Work for You,” by Hulbert Lee is a real treat. Lee writes: “When you look up to someone all your life, someone that’s always there who gives you hope, courage, motivation, inspiration, excitement, desire, or what have you, what happens one day when they don’t have that same impact on you anymore? Who do you really become? Who are you? Are you nobody? Do you feel empty? I know I did… I wondered who the heck I was. I wasn’t a star. I wasn’t a celebrity. I wasn’t someone famous. I was just another person, among the billions of others out there.” And he gives readers four specific guidelines that are truly spot on. A great essay.
-----
Copyright August, 2010, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.
I have been a writer all of my married life, but one thing my wife made clear very early was that regardless of the time I needed at the typewriter/ computer, it was not just important but necessary for me to be available to our children whenever they asked for attention. I would take the time to listen to them and talk with them and, often, this took place on my lap in my study. Those were precious moments (and over so quickly!) Now, I treat my grandchildren in precisely the same way.
I thought about this the other day when Mckenzie (9 years old) came into my study to say hello. She asked what I was doing, although she knows that I write and is familiar with the signs because she has seen them so many times before. I stopped and explained the essay I was writing, and I showed her the notes I was using. The notes were part of the daily diary I keep. She said that she keeps a diary, too, and I let her know what a good idea that is because although our minds are good at remembering things, often it is the specific details that slip away as time passes.
I showed her some of the entries I had written; I even went back ten or twenty years and showed her some of my earlier diaries. Mckenzie is a writer, so I showed her the notes I take when my wife and I travel. She was able to see the process I use as I convert information into essays. Mckenzie and I, just like our other seven grandchildren, have a warm, comfortable, friendly, talk-oriented relationship. The Bible says “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverbs, 22:6).” Caring adults make huge differences.
Just as parents are vital to the healthy development and growth of children, grandparents serve a vital role as well. For example, we can show our love and concern by telling them we love them, showing affection by hugging and kissing them or holding their hands when we go for a walk. We also make time for special family fun activities.
Another way grandparents serve a vital role is through communication. Our grandchildren not only have excellent communication skills, but the channels of communication with us have always been open; we listen to them when they talk. We find out what is going on in their lives, what they liked best when we visit a museum or zoo, and what their likes and dislikes are. We find out about their friends, favorite toys, and the things they like doing the most. Around the table when we eat, they know they can talk and share their ideas with us and other adults.
By listening to our grandchildren, we show them respect. When there is an argument or fight between them, we discuss ways to solve problems without arguing or fighting. Also, we seek their ideas for helping to resolve issues. We explain that their anger, humiliation, or embarrassment is normal, but they must deal with it in peaceful, meaningful, and constructive ways. Physical force and intimidation don’t solve problems. Problem solving occurs when there is both respect and supportive, positive communication.
There are many ways to obtain peaceful solutions to problems. The first is to talk clearly and calmly. When they can state the problem and their desire to solve it without fighting, they have moved toward resolving it. If they can inject humor into the situation by making fun of the problem, it can change the situation from one of hostility and confrontation to friendliness and amelioration. The art of compromise suggests that conflict situations can have win-win outcomes when both parties are willing to give up something. Also, kids can be told that it takes more guts and self-respect to walk away from a fight than to fight.
There is no doubt that parents are a child’s first teachers and role models. Usually, too, children are more affected by what their parents do than by what their parents say. They learn how to behave by seeing how their mothers and fathers behave, and they follow their example. It is like a computer’s default pattern. That is, when given no specific instructions on how the computer is supposed to deal with a situation, it falls back on the programming it has stored in its memory, and it uses the instructions in that programming.
Mothers and fathers need to be aware of the “lessons” they are unintentionally teaching their children. Children learn without parents realizing it. For example, a great discussion was taking place at the dinner table one day between the adults, and it was thought that all the kids had gone downstairs to play. Suddenly, one adult turned to see that the oldest of our grandchildren was seated at the table where she had finishing eating, and she was totally absorbed by and involved with the discussion taking place. She just smiled, knowing that the adults thought none of the kids were listening—and, yet, there she was: absorbing, thinking, learning.
Have you ever listened to your children playing house? Often the language they use as they discipline or punish a younger sister or brother takes place in the same sharp tones you use when scolding. The way your children are treated will directly determine how they treat others. The kinds of things that occupy their interests are precisely those that take place daily around them. If they use “please” and “thank you” it is only because these good manners are insisted upon by considerate, respectful, and concerned parents. A Chinese proverb says, “A young branch takes on all the bends that one gives it.”
Valuing children as human beings, revealing consistency between what you do and what you expect children to do, creating a positive and supportive home atmosphere, accentuating the positive, and modeling and explaining effective, expected behaviors, are just some of the ways adults can influence children. “Family,” says Alice Sterling Honig, a child development specialist, is the first school for young children....”
-----
At Family Guide, the essay, “Be a good role model: Somebody is watching you,” is an excellent one and underscores what I have said in the essay above. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)—which sponsors this website—ends the essay saying: “Your values, opinions, and example carry more weight with your child than you may have thought. By providing a positive model for your child to follow, you set a good example on how to successfully navigate life's conflicts and negative messages-and to choose healthy behaviors that will follow into adulthood.”
At Dragos Roua — Brilliantly Better, the essay, “Stop Looking at Role Models to Do the Dirty Work for You,” by Hulbert Lee is a real treat. Lee writes: “When you look up to someone all your life, someone that’s always there who gives you hope, courage, motivation, inspiration, excitement, desire, or what have you, what happens one day when they don’t have that same impact on you anymore? Who do you really become? Who are you? Are you nobody? Do you feel empty? I know I did… I wondered who the heck I was. I wasn’t a star. I wasn’t a celebrity. I wasn’t someone famous. I was just another person, among the billions of others out there.” And he gives readers four specific guidelines that are truly spot on. A great essay.
-----
Copyright August, 2010, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
People don’t want to know how to live a responsible, accountable, mature life—and they don’t care
In my more than thirty years of college teaching, one underlying philosophy has guided both my teaching and writing. That philosophy is that people want to improve their lives—communicate better, of course, but do better, act with higher quality, strive harder, and live a more valuable, desirable, and suitable life. It was this philosophy that made me want to enter the classroom, accept the opportunity to write a textbook, choose to lecture, advise and counsel students, and go above and beyond what was expected of me as a professional.
There were times that I became skeptical that the philosophy was wrong. For example, I met people who were only willing to give half-an-effort to a project, I would serve on a committee only to find that I was the only one willing to work, or I encountered students taking courses for a “pass” instead of a grade so they only had to exert a minimal amount of time and effort. When I was a student I (tongue-in-cheek) celebrated those around me who chose not to give their “all” with a flippant remark: “Well, that’s one more person with whom I don’t have to compete.” Because their philosophy wasn’t my own (and there were always more of them than people like myself), I always assumed that I was the exception, not them.
As a teacher I made a vow with myself that I would not let those students who did not want to commit themselves to my courses drag me or my standards down. I chose, instead, to direct my attention and focus to those who wanted to excel. If you want to be outstanding, then I am here to help you; if you want to be mediocre or “just average,” then you will need to find a way to help yourself.
This approach to education—attend to and focus on those who want to excel—faced a great deal of student complaint and criticism when I directed a basic, required, speech-communication class. Why? Because many students believed that a basic, required, speech-communication course should—by both its definition and nature—be a “blow off,” “Mickey Mouse,” easy grade. In the course, they found a director (me!) who had high standards supported by a number of exercises, activities, and assignments that not just required work, but were evaluated by well-designed, stringent, detailed, and explicitly explained criteria. Students, in all cases, knew exactly the criteria they would be evaluated on before undertaking any activity.
Now, underlying or buttressing my approach to the basic speech-communication course was a belief that effective communication would help students improve their lives. If they took the course seriously, there was a good chance that they would find benefits in all their thoughts and actions—as well as in their other classes, in their daily interactions with others, in their relationships, in any job they pursued, and, obviously, in their communication-related activities (i.e., small-group discussions and public speaking).
Despite the way I conducted my courses, and despite the basic philosophies I believed in that guided my behavior, I may have over estimated my audience. How did I arrive at this conclusion? I discovered it when reading a book, The Healthy Guide to Unhealthy Living: How to Survive Your Bad Habits (Simon & Schuster, 2006), by Dr. David J. Clayton. Clayton is a medical doctor who is a graduate of the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey. He has an undergraduate degree in chemical biology with honors from Stevens Institute of Technology. He trained in internal medicine at Boston University and the Scripps Clinic and Research Institute in La Jolla, California.
Clayton begins the introduction to his book with this comment: “Despite all the self-help books out there on living a healthy life, many of my patients don’t want to know how to live a healthy life—they want to know how to live their unhealthy lives better.” In the very next paragraph he writes, “They don’t want to stop drinking, smoking, doing drugs, or having casual sex with the other sleep-deprived professionals they meet at parties. They want to know how to do these things without killing themselves or permanently damaging their health. They want to know how to lose weight fast for a wedding, or whether a drug test will show last week’s joint. They want to know how to stay awake at the office when they haven’t slept well the night before (p. 1).”
Using an analogy to Clayton’s conclusion, it may be that students don’t want to be more effective communicators. Maybe they don’t even want to be better educated. Maybe they simply want a college degree, and they are willing to do what is necessary to acquire the degree. “Put up the requirement—the hurdle—and we’ll find a way to deal with it,” some students may be saying. It is similar to those who take courses “pass” so they can complete them with minimum time and effort. Perhaps college itself has become like those courses taken for a “pass”—what is the fastest, easiest, and most task efficient way I can get a degree and get on with my life?
I think Clayton has defined a problem that explains a number of different problems. For example, cheating and dishonesty may occur because all those who cheat and reveal dishonesty see is the final outcome, and the end justifies the means. It may explain obesity and other hedonistic pleasures: “You do what feels good, and you deal with extraordinary circumstances as they occur.” It may explain, too, ignorance. Being informed takes time and effort—pursuing ideas in any kind of organized, systematic, rigorous fashion is an excessive and inordinate demand. “I’d rather be ignorant,” people say, “because knowing means responsibility.”
Clayton could just as easily have started his book saying, “People don’t want to know how to live a responsible, accountable, mature life.” Most people believe as they do because their parents believed that way, and it requires no thinking on their own to change or deviate. Most people don’t think beyond the obvious because it requires energy, and they have never been trained to really think. Most people watch the no-brainer, lackluster, uninspired, dull, and unimaginative entertainment provided on television or the big screen because of their own slovenly inertia. They become immersed in video games, text messaging, chat rooms, e-mail messaging, Internet surfing and other mindless pursuits to fill their boring, nothing lives. People don’t want to know how to live a responsible, accountable, mature life—and they don’t care.
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“Breaking Bad Habits: Do You Really Want Change?” is an essay by Christopher George at the website ByRegion.net His opening paragraph reads like this: “As a hypnotherapist, I work with many people trying to break a habit that they've had for years and some, even decades. As I tell my clients during the first session - in order to change a habit, you first must understand it.” George discusses two specific steps that must be completed to acquire permanent change
Oh, I know this website, choicesforteens, is especially designed for teenagers, but the essay, “Why some people can’t break bad habits,” is not only short, but it gets right to the point. A fast, quick (but solid) read.
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Copyright August, 2010, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.
There were times that I became skeptical that the philosophy was wrong. For example, I met people who were only willing to give half-an-effort to a project, I would serve on a committee only to find that I was the only one willing to work, or I encountered students taking courses for a “pass” instead of a grade so they only had to exert a minimal amount of time and effort. When I was a student I (tongue-in-cheek) celebrated those around me who chose not to give their “all” with a flippant remark: “Well, that’s one more person with whom I don’t have to compete.” Because their philosophy wasn’t my own (and there were always more of them than people like myself), I always assumed that I was the exception, not them.
As a teacher I made a vow with myself that I would not let those students who did not want to commit themselves to my courses drag me or my standards down. I chose, instead, to direct my attention and focus to those who wanted to excel. If you want to be outstanding, then I am here to help you; if you want to be mediocre or “just average,” then you will need to find a way to help yourself.
This approach to education—attend to and focus on those who want to excel—faced a great deal of student complaint and criticism when I directed a basic, required, speech-communication class. Why? Because many students believed that a basic, required, speech-communication course should—by both its definition and nature—be a “blow off,” “Mickey Mouse,” easy grade. In the course, they found a director (me!) who had high standards supported by a number of exercises, activities, and assignments that not just required work, but were evaluated by well-designed, stringent, detailed, and explicitly explained criteria. Students, in all cases, knew exactly the criteria they would be evaluated on before undertaking any activity.
Now, underlying or buttressing my approach to the basic speech-communication course was a belief that effective communication would help students improve their lives. If they took the course seriously, there was a good chance that they would find benefits in all their thoughts and actions—as well as in their other classes, in their daily interactions with others, in their relationships, in any job they pursued, and, obviously, in their communication-related activities (i.e., small-group discussions and public speaking).
Despite the way I conducted my courses, and despite the basic philosophies I believed in that guided my behavior, I may have over estimated my audience. How did I arrive at this conclusion? I discovered it when reading a book, The Healthy Guide to Unhealthy Living: How to Survive Your Bad Habits (Simon & Schuster, 2006), by Dr. David J. Clayton. Clayton is a medical doctor who is a graduate of the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey. He has an undergraduate degree in chemical biology with honors from Stevens Institute of Technology. He trained in internal medicine at Boston University and the Scripps Clinic and Research Institute in La Jolla, California.
Clayton begins the introduction to his book with this comment: “Despite all the self-help books out there on living a healthy life, many of my patients don’t want to know how to live a healthy life—they want to know how to live their unhealthy lives better.” In the very next paragraph he writes, “They don’t want to stop drinking, smoking, doing drugs, or having casual sex with the other sleep-deprived professionals they meet at parties. They want to know how to do these things without killing themselves or permanently damaging their health. They want to know how to lose weight fast for a wedding, or whether a drug test will show last week’s joint. They want to know how to stay awake at the office when they haven’t slept well the night before (p. 1).”
Using an analogy to Clayton’s conclusion, it may be that students don’t want to be more effective communicators. Maybe they don’t even want to be better educated. Maybe they simply want a college degree, and they are willing to do what is necessary to acquire the degree. “Put up the requirement—the hurdle—and we’ll find a way to deal with it,” some students may be saying. It is similar to those who take courses “pass” so they can complete them with minimum time and effort. Perhaps college itself has become like those courses taken for a “pass”—what is the fastest, easiest, and most task efficient way I can get a degree and get on with my life?
I think Clayton has defined a problem that explains a number of different problems. For example, cheating and dishonesty may occur because all those who cheat and reveal dishonesty see is the final outcome, and the end justifies the means. It may explain obesity and other hedonistic pleasures: “You do what feels good, and you deal with extraordinary circumstances as they occur.” It may explain, too, ignorance. Being informed takes time and effort—pursuing ideas in any kind of organized, systematic, rigorous fashion is an excessive and inordinate demand. “I’d rather be ignorant,” people say, “because knowing means responsibility.”
Clayton could just as easily have started his book saying, “People don’t want to know how to live a responsible, accountable, mature life.” Most people believe as they do because their parents believed that way, and it requires no thinking on their own to change or deviate. Most people don’t think beyond the obvious because it requires energy, and they have never been trained to really think. Most people watch the no-brainer, lackluster, uninspired, dull, and unimaginative entertainment provided on television or the big screen because of their own slovenly inertia. They become immersed in video games, text messaging, chat rooms, e-mail messaging, Internet surfing and other mindless pursuits to fill their boring, nothing lives. People don’t want to know how to live a responsible, accountable, mature life—and they don’t care.
-----
“Breaking Bad Habits: Do You Really Want Change?” is an essay by Christopher George at the website ByRegion.net
Oh, I know this website, choicesforteens
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Copyright August, 2010, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.
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