Thursday, July 28, 2011

Finding time to relax

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.    

It’s easy to get caught up in the helter-skelter of everyday life, community activities, job-related responsibilities, family happenings, etc.  It can be, too, workaholism—the compulsive and unrelenting need to work.  I tend to be a workaholic.  I’ve been one all my life.  When one project is complete I immediately proceed to the next one.  Sometimes, too, I am involved in a number of projects at the same time.
    
I remember when I was teaching, and I took great personal pride (I never told anyone else at the time) in having my secretary involved in a revision of my teacher’s manual used by my 30 teaching assistants.  At the same time, I was involved in the revision of two of my college textbooks, and both of the revised manuscripts were being read by developmental editors at two different publishing companies.  I had a speech waiting for publication in Vital Speeches of the Day, and there were two scholarly articles, one waiting for immediate publication, and the other being read by a journal editor who was considering it for publication.  The reader [a collection of articles] for my graduate-level course was being prepared by a duplicating office on campus, and while all of this was going on, I was preparing another book and updating the lectures I used in the basic course.  I absolutely loved it.
    
So, it would be obvious for a reader of this essay to wonder, “Who are you to talk about finding time to relax?”  I would contend quite the opposite: If a workaholic like myself can find time to relax, then that is precisely the person from whom I would like to hear!  It’s like the very old aphorism: “If you have a job to do, give it to a busy person.”
    
I give myself plenty of time to relax; however, I do not waste time between work and that designated for relaxation.  “Designated” to relaxing.  Getting up at 3 a.m. on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I find my two hours of exercising and jogging very relaxing.  Every morning, seven-days-a-week, I spend 1 1/2-to-2 hours reading newspapers while eating breakfast and listening to background music—a relaxing way to begin each day and calm the spirit.
    
For lunch, I take a full one-hour, relaxing break, to make and eat my lunch, listen to music, and read any mail.  Between projects, I often take a short break to pay bills, read and review books, post on Facebook, bring my blog up-to-date, or write a new essay.  It may sound like this is work; however, like a professional golfer finds playing golf relaxing, I find writing (and working in my study) relaxing activities.  I write to relax.
    
In addition to these forms of relaxation, my wife and I usually take two vacations each year.  Often, one of these is a cruise.  We have taken ten.  For the second vacation, we take our fifth-wheel somewhere.  These are additional relaxing times and, for the most part (not always), I try not to take work along.  I do spend some time on each trip writing essays—not as work, but for relaxing.  (Many of these essays eventually get posted on my blog )
    
Now I have revealed a secret.  Much of my “work” is interwoven with my “play,” and in many cases, it would be difficult for someone to distinguish between them.  Perhaps, that is sufficient explanation for how much I accomplish.
    
As an important aside here, I have to confess that I often work with the television on in the background—especially if there is a sporting function about which I am interested.  I seldom just sit and watch a television program, unless it is later in the evening (after 9:00 p.m.), I have finished a project (like an essay like this), and I am ready to enjoy a beer along with a few pretzels, some lightly-salted peanuts, and popcorn.  That is not just the way I celebrate the end of a day, but it, too, is a way to take my little bit of medicinal alcohol.
    
Very seldom, if ever, will you find me just sitting, relaxing, and watching television.  There is little on television about which I am interested (except Big Ten college football); however, the shows I enjoy (such as Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann, and Rachel Maddow on MSNBC), I can have on in the background while I work at the computer.
    
One method I have found useful for finding time to relax is working in blocks of time.  It is easier to get a group of projects finished when they are related.  For example, I save bills for several days, then I will sit at my desk and pay all the bills, write all the checks, and prepare them for mailing—all at the same time.  While at the computer writing essays, I will often post on Facebook, answer email messages, and bring my blog up-to-date.  What these blocks of time afford is small blocks of time, too, to relax.
    
During the time I was teaching, I advocated for variety as opposed to blocks of time.  That is, I spread my time among a wide-variety of projects—with an emphasis on “wide.”  It was, at that time, the only way I would have time to write.  Teaching, lecturing, directing my graduate teaching assistants, and looking over the daily responses I required in my 300-level, interpersonal communication class (that had an enrollment of 150 students or more), took enormous amounts of time, so I would arrange my schedule, in order not to become too tired from working on a single project, to bounce between responsibilities.  It kept me awake, alert, and sharp—and, it helped me accomplish a great deal more.
    
What I wondered after I finished my teaching career is how did I ever do it?  My writing responsibilities were greater then (“publish or perish”), then they were after I retired from teaching.  Also, I was involved in writing two popular college textbooks at the same time.  It is obvious—in retrospect—what I did.  First, I did far less relaxing.  Two, because of the immediacy and responsibilities of teaching, I had to sacrifice the amount of time I gave to writing my textbooks.  I just could not give them the time I was able to give them once I retired  from teaching.
    
What I have discovered regarding “finding time to relax,” is that you must purposely work relaxation into your schedule.  If you just plan to relax when you find the time—especially if you are a workaholic—it is unlikely you will do much relaxing, if any at all.  I am not suggesting that the way I relax will work for everyone (perhaps no one!), but it offers two important lessons: First, different strokes for different folks!  You need to work out a system or plan that purposefully and specifically incorporates relaxation.  
    
The second lesson, and although I have not mentioned it thus far in this essay, relaxation will help you work better and more efficiently.  For me, it improves my energy level, sleep, concentration, and creative ability.  Doctors, too, will tell you relaxation gives the heart a rest by slowing the heart rate, reduces blood pressure, slows the rate of breathing, which reduces the need for oxygen, increases blood flow to the muscles, and decreases muscle tension.*   Personally, there need be no more justification for working relaxation into my life.

*From the Heart of Healing web site, “Benefits of relaxation.”
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At MayoClinic.com the essay at Stress Management is called, “Relaxation techniques: Learn ways to reduce your stress,” the Mayo Clinic staff write, “Relaxation techniques can reduce stress symptoms and help you enjoy a better quality of life. Explore relaxation techniques you can do on your own,” and they offer 8 symptoms that can be reduced by relaxation and several main types of relaxation techniques.

At the New York Times, “Science” page, Daniel Goleman writes a wonderful essay on relaxation entitled, “Relaxation: Surprising Benefits Detected” (May 13, 1986) that you will find thorough, interesting, and beneficial.

At HelpGuide.com,  Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., Joanna Saisan, MSW, Melinda Smith, M.A., Ellen Jaffe-Gill, M.A, and Robert Segal, M.A. contributed to the article, “Relaxation Techniques for Stress Relief: Relaxation Exercises to Reduce Stress, Anxiety, and Depression,” in which they offer a thorough discussion of the relaxation response, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness meditation, guided imagery, yoga, tai chi, and massage therapy for stress relief.
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Copyright July, 2011, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.

   

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Keys to Overcoming Boredom---Entering the Room of Choices

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.    

As I prepared for church this morning, it seemed to me I had just done it, even though it was a full week ago.  When I pulled down all the Christmas decorations from the attic, it seemed as if I just put them up there the day before. Time flies, the routines become repetitive, and there seems to be little that is new and different.  It is easy to get caught up in the every day, become drugged by the nausea and din of life, and “go with the flow” because it requires no thought, satisfies our comfort zone, and permits nothing but our base survival instincts — routines that are deeply entrenched.
    
Now, if you are a regular reader (or even an occasional one) of my essays, you already know the key to the keys to overcoming boredom.  That is, there is a key to entry into the room of choices.  This is the room in which you are free to select different ways to combat boredom.  But, if you’re not in the room of choices, there is no way to overcome it.  What is the entry key?
    
The key to the keys is a basic desire — an “I want to” — because without that base-line motivation, no further key in the room of choices will work.
    
(Just an aside here.  Wouldn’t it be great if there were an M.P. (motivational pill) that we could take that would spark (ignite) the desire?  That M.P. would be the key to the room.  Can you imagine the popularity of an M.P. pill?)
    
My point is simple: Nothing that any writer, motivational speaker, or person can do or say will work if he or she is facing total lethargy, boredom, or ennui.  When boredom or laziness is deeply entrenched it is just plain easier to continue following this course of least resistence — a life of no change — nothingness (apathy).
    
(Another aside here.  One of the problems with so many people is that they are truly uninformed, and they don’t care.  Choosing to be informed, they know, requires purpose, direction, motivation, and effort — desire!  I prefer not knowing.)
    
Thus, any suggestion of keys (in the room of choices) to overcoming boredom must not involve going out and meeting others, reading, going to church or to the library, or even breaking through the barriers that cause ennui.  Any suggestion for overcoming boredom must first address the lack of desire.   How does anyone light that spark or re-invigorate basic motivation?
    
You already know this, but it bears repeating: You are responsible for your behavior.  Any change, improvement, or success — just as any  frustration, annoyance, or lack of progress — is dependent on you and, in the end, on you alone.  So, let’s begin by exploring how to deal with this basic fact.  Where can you begin?  What, indeed, is the key to the room of choices?
    
First, recognize the fact that you are a total victim of your routines, and it is your routines that are boring, repetitive, and uninspiring.  Routine behaviors can be un-motivating.  If you don’t break the routines nothing will happen.  You don’t have to do a lot, but you have to do something.  Change the time you go to bed or the time you get up.  Change the television channels or shows that you watch or the Internet sites you visit.  Change your attire in some small way or the way you do your hair.  Change the route you take to work, the food you choose to eat, the friends with whom you associate, or the books you choose to read.
    
Any change in your life has the power to change negative thoughts into positive ones.
     
One frustration that occurs when routines become boring is that your brain begins
bombarding you with negative or limiting thoughts.  “Life isn’t worth living,” “Nothing exciting ever happens,” “I am utterly and hopelessly stuck,” “I’m bored, apathetic, lazy, and I don’t care,” “I will never succeed.”  Those are precisely the thoughts that will make you question if any effort is worthwhile. Why change?  
    
One simple way to control these negative thoughts is to ignore them.  Another is to say CANCEL immediately when you hear them. By acting in a strong and decisive manner you will  disrupt the negative thought and prevent it from growing and causing you to remain as you are or revert to the security of where it is most comfortable.  Saying CANCEL is a simple method, but you need simplicity when negative thoughts occur.  It is an excellent way to help you build your motivation.
    
With small changes and a new way of thinking (canceling negative thoughts as they occur), you need to depend on your resources.  As a functioning human being, you are a problem solver.  Not only do you have innate and successful problem-solving skills, but you are a creative person, too, and you need to put your skills, experience, and knowledge to work at once.  With Internet access, you can expose yourself to more knowledge and more knowledgeable people than anyone at any previous time in history.   
    
Just those little changes you make in your life as well as the cancellation of negative thinking can result in a complete change of perspective. Suddenly you will find new opportunities opening up, not only for personal growth, but for careers, relationships, and numerous other possibilities.

If you choose not to put your thoughts and feelings into action, you won't be taking
charge of your life and stagnation, negativity, and inactivity will continue unabated.  But change, even a small one, can open the door to positive action, optimism, and growth.
    
There are many benefits to personal change; however, what you must do at this new stage of development is to set goals to keep yourself moving in a positive direction. “I want to be more assertive,” “I want to listen better,” “I want to develop a serious relationship,” “I want to accomplish more in my life,” “I want to break out from this dungeon of depression.”  By setting goals you will also be able to accomplish more in a shorter time.  Each time you are successful at achieving a goal you move forward with more clarity, and you become increasingly positive and stronger.  Each achievement provides greater incentives to be even more successful.  Success builds on itself just as small changes (where you began) build on themselves.
    
Now is the time to combat boredom more directly.  You are now in the room of choices.  Surround yourself with positive people, keep active, read new, interesting, positive material on the Internet, eat healthy food, begin a regular exercise routine, and get enough sleep.  With a more positive and optimistic outlook, you need to accept that some boredom in life is inevitable.  Do what has to be done as quickly as possible, and get on with it.  Life can’t be all fun and games.  Pat Riley, the basketball coach said, “If you have a positive attitude and constantly strive to give your best effort, eventually you will overcome your immediate problems and find you are ready for greater challenges” — the challenges offered in the room of choices.
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At wikiHow there is an essay, “How to overcome boredom,” in which Fatimah Musa, Anonymous, Sondra C, Ben Rubenstein, and others offer and discuss 30 practical ways to overcome boredom.

Etienne A. Gibbs, a management consultant and trainer, at HomeHighlight.org, offers and discusses six great ways for overcoming boredom in her article,
“Overcoming boredom in six ways.”

At the website Positive-thinking-for-you.com, there is an inspiring essay, “Motivational Tips From A To Z That Truly End With Your Success In Life!” by an author who goes by the name of “Howard.”  The tips are practical and useful.  Also, click on “Home” from the left-column index, and see many of the other inspiring essays available at this website.
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Copyright July, 2011, by And Then Some Publishing, L.L.C.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Is it nostalgia or is it music? Maybe both.

By Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.    

My wife gave me a “Wooden Music Center with Recordable CD Player” for Christmas this year.  Not particularly liking modern technology, I waited eleven days to open the box.  It sat in my study until I could muster the stamina (the sheer determination) to open it, pull the Center from its foam protection, and read the instructions.  My lack of technical expertise caused me to read with great care, but I was resolved to make this work.
    
It is true that I had been wanting an instrument that would convert my 33 1/3rd  vinyl records to CDs for some time.  I have over 500 LPs — collected over a long period — and they had been stored for close to 25 years.  I didn’t even know for certain they would still be playable.  At one point I came home with a similar music center only to find out that it did not include a recordable CD player.  
    
This Music Center my wife bought me was truly an impressive piece of equipment manufactured by Innovative Technology (i.t.).  It was made in a dark-walnut stained oak, the various parts are metal, not plastic, and it stands 12-inches high, 12-inches deep, and 20-inches across the front of it.  The best part of it, however, for a non-techie, is how easy it is to use.  Basically, when recording from vinyl to CD, it involves adjusting two volume controls, pressing a record button, and then pressing a press/play button just after the needle hits the record.
    
I immediately set up a portable 2-foot by 4-foot table in my study and adjusted its height to 30-inches so that I would have a solid place to put the Music Center (at eye level) and a place, as well, where I could put records, CD-Rs, and CD sleeves for labeling each.  Also, I could keep the instructions for the Music Center operation open and at a convenient height for reading when it comes time to finalize CDs.
    
All of this information is only a prelude to what was to come.  I began the process of recording CDs just a short five days ago, and to date I have burned 20 CD-Rs or close to 40% of my first purchase of 50 CD-Rs.  It has been an unbelievable trip back through the years.
    
For me, listening to these old LPs, stirs up wonderful memories.  One of the initial reasons for investing in them in the first place was my love of music.  A secondary reason was the enjoyment from having music in the background as I studied, read, and wrote.  Many of the songs took me back to some of the early speeches and articles I wrote as a young instructor and assistant professor at Indiana University and then the University of Massachusetts.  The  music truly uplifts and transports me.
    
It is interesting that as I listen to these records my mood is enhanced.  I feel more joyous, lighthearted, and ebullient.  I trace much of this to the reasons why I began collecting records in the first place.  Originally, it was the available form in which I could purchase music inexpensively — 45 rpms.  In the beginning, I collected for pleasure, but soon after that, I discovered that having the latest songs promoted my popularity.  When I became leader of my church youth group, I promoted dances among the youth and with other youth groups as well.  In all cases, it was my record player that we used and my records to which people would dance.  Those were wonderful days of fun.
    
When my family went around the world, I took a large number of 45s along with me.  That was when rock ‘n roll was new, and many other cultures had just heard of it (1960-61).  My younger sister taught me how to dance, and we would put on exhibitions.  For example, in Karachi, West Pakistan, where we stayed for two weeks prior to going to Dacca, East Pakistan (now Bangladesh), where both my parents (Fulbright scholars) taught, we would go to the main hotel downtown to dance in the evenings, and we always drew large crowds of onlookers.
    
You can easily see that for a person just beginning college (and my sister who was still in high school), these exhibition experiences did wonders for our confidence and egos.  It never failed that our dancing served as conversation starters.  People, of course, wanted to know where we were from, where we learned to dance, and what we were doing so far away from home.
    
As I sit here and write this essay, I can remember no negative experiences associated with the songs I am listening to.  And, what is truly amazing, as I was looking over the LPs I collected many years ago, I have continued to make similar choices in the CDs I have chosen to collect even today — which amounts to nearly the same number of LPs.  It is surprising that my tastes have not changed substantially.
    
For the purposes of writing this essay, I Googled “the benefits of nostalgia,” and I discovered a website that serves as support for my observations above.  At HealthPsych.com, in an essay entitled, “Sweet, sweet memories,” the author, a psychologist from Australia, writes about such nostalgic experiences:   
  
“Psychologist Tim Wildschut and his colleagues have found nostalgic memories, such as I experienced, to be a potent mood booster. They found that people who  write about good memories are more cheerful compared to people who write about everyday events, report higher self-esteem and feel more positively about their personal relationships. These findings reinforce earlier studies which also show the protective psychological benefits of nostalgia.”
    
I wonder if those who collect music, in whatever form, tend to be more cheerful than the general population?  I wonder, too, if those who continually play the music they played, purchased, or heard during their “growing years” tend to have higher self-esteem or feel more positively about their personal relationships?
    
At About.com:StressManagement Elizabeth Scott, in an essay entitled, “Music and Your Body: How Music Affects Us and Why Music Therapy Promotes Health - How and Why Is Music A Good Tool For Health?” writes about the profound effect music can have on your body and psyche.  In addition to stimulating brain waves, counteracting stress, producing a positive state of mind by keeping depression and anxiety at bay, lowering blood pressure (which can also reduce the risk of stroke and other health problems over time), and boosting immunity, it also can ease muscle tension.
    
Then I wondered if it was the nostaligia or the music having the positive effect?  Perhaps it was a little of both.  Whatever the cause, the effect was positive, encouraging, and revitalizing.
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Michael Pollick, at wiseGEEK.com, has an essay on, “Is nostalgia healthy?”   The essence of his essay is contained in this sentence, “While nostalgia in reasonable doses can provide a sense of comfort for stressed-out adults, too much nostalgia can have a negative effect.”

At Success Consciousness.com, Remez Sasson has written an essay on, “The power of positive thinking.”  Although I found music to assist me in thinking positively (as in the essay above), Sasson offers at least six additional, specific, and practical suggestions.  There are many essays on positive thinking; this one is short and to the point.
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Copyright July, 2011, by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

What one letter can do II

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.    

I had just picked up a copy of Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval’s book, The power of small: Why little things make all the difference (Boradway Books, 2009) as a small item occurred that made a big difference in some people’s lives.  This story is what their book is about.
    
On May 20, 2009, at the request of my granddaughter, Mckenzie, I donated blood at Woodland School in Perrysburg, Ohio.  For me, donating is a regular thing, and I donate as often as I can.  While donating, I signaled the woman in charge of the donation to come to my donation site.
    
When she arrived I told her of a lingering concern of mine which I had expressed for the past several years each time I donated.  I showed her the “dirty” sponge ball I was compressing as I was donating, and then I told her of a grim statistic which truly made her grimace.
    
“Are you aware,” I said with forthrightness, “that most men don’t wash their hands with soap and water after going to the bathroom?”
    
It looked to me as if she was completely unaware of this, and she replied something to the effect of, “Oh, yuck.”
    
She proceeded at once to let me know that she would make a note of it and pass on my concern to her superiors.  She went back to her table and lifted up her pad and pen to show that she was engaged in the writing of the memo.
    
Now, I have no idea about the effect/results of her memo (and I heard nothing more about it), but when I went home I used the Internet to locate the name of the executive director of the American Red Cross in the greater Toledo area, and I sat down to write Tim Yenrick a letter.
    
I alerted Mr. Yenrick to the situation, and I quoted statistics I found from Science Daily (quoting from my letter to him) that reported “that only 66% of men wash their hands with soap and water after going to the bathroom.  The percentage,” the report stated, “is much higher (88%) for women.”  “If the report were based on my own observations alone,” I wrote in my letter to Mr. Yenrick, “I would suggest that barely 50% of men wash their hands with soap and water after going to the bathroom.”
    
“What this means,” the letter to Mr. Yenrick continues, “is that 33% of men and at least 12% of women who grip this rubber ball have not washed their hands with soap and water after going to the bathroom.”  My letter continues: “From the website, WinkNews.com, I quote for your interest: ‘Frequent hand washing is the single best thing people can do to avoid getting sick, from colds and the flu to germs lurking in food, doctors say.’”
    
I gave Mr. Yenrick several possible solutions, let him know that I am not a constant complainer nor one who creates problems, provided him a way to contact me, and mentioned that I would appreciate a response to my letter.
    
Less than one week later, Ms. Peggy A. Holewinski, Development Officer, American Red Cross, Greater Toledo Area Chapter, responded by email, on behalf of Mr. Yenrick, who said she understood my “concerns over disease transmission and the re-use of a rubber ball during blood donations.”  “However,” she added, “the American Red Cross is one organization with two divisions.  Blood Services and Chapter.  We have forwarded a copy of your letter,” she said, “to the CEO of Blood Services.”  And she provided the name, address, phone, and email of: Mr. Donald L. Baker, Chief Executive Officer, American Red Cross, Western Lake Erie Blood Services Region
    
Ms. Holewinski added, “I am certain Mr. Baker will be in touch with you next week.”
    
On July 8, 2009, Ms. Kathy Smith, Director, Donor Services, Western Lake Erie Blood Services Region, called me to explain she had received a copy of my letter, and that she was going to do something about it.  She said that about a year ago (in 2008), the matter had been raised, but (apologizing profusely) she admitted she had not followed through on the complaint.  She said that my letter would prompt not just her attention but action as well.
    
That evening (July 8, 2009), I checked the messages I had received, and there was an email message from Ms. Smith saying, “Thank you again for taking my call today and for your patience in the timeliness of our region’s response.”
    
She continued in her email message saying, “I just received the memo prepared by our collection team supervisor and see that the date we will start having the hand sanitizer on the canteen table will be Monday [July] 13th.  This memo is going in our team’s mailboxes today [July 8, 2009].  We’ll ask that our Supervisors spot check for a few weeks to watch for consistency on this practice.  Please do let me know if your next experience doesn’t include this opportunity to clean your hands after donation."  Most people move from the donation site to a table where they consume water, coffee, cookies, and other snacks---meaning that they convey the germs from their hands directly to their mouth.

A hand sanitizer located between donation sites and the canteen area made very good sense.
    
In her last paragraph, Ms. Kathy Smith thanked me for my loyalty and commitment, and she explained, “About 5% of our total eligible population donates blood.  Most of us have had family, friends, co-workers or neighbors that have been recipients of this life saving gift.  Thank you for your contribution of blood and for the time you give us with each donation.  You serve patients in need.”
    
With her letter to me, Ms. Smith enclosed an attachment.  It was the memo from Chet Greene, Collection Team Supervisor, “To Collections Supervisors and Regulatory staff,” with a copy to both Kathy Smith and Michele Blodgett (with whom I have had no contact).  The subject line reads: “Sani Hand Cleaner.”  And this is what the memo said:
     
          “Due to recent concerns from our donors about the squeeze balls used during 
         phlebotomy  and the potential for germ transmission we are requesting that a 
         bottle of the Sani Hand Cleanser be put in canteen areas for donors use after 
         they leave the VP area to enjoy canteen snacks....This will help to enhance the 
         donors’ overall experience at our blood drives.  We would like for you to begin 
         this starting Monday 07/13/09 placing a bottle of the hand cleanser in canteen 
         areas.”
    
From all that I read, it was my single letter that prompted this change.  Now when you donate blood, please don’t just notice the hand sanitizer in the canteen area, having just squeezed a dirty sponge ball as you donated, please use it before having your cookies or leaving the donation site.  Thaler and Robin Koval’s book, The power of small, offers hundreds more examples about how small things can make a big difference.
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 If you’ve never donated blood, this website, sponsored by the American Red Cross, is entitled, “FAQs About Donating Blood.”  On the site are listed 13 questions such as the safety and frequency of donating, as well as your eligibility, the time it takes, and how a pleasant situation can be provided.

Life Advice About Being a Blood Donor,” offers even more and varied information.  If you’ve never donated blood, this website offers a very quick read about all aspects of the experience.  It if definitely worth a visit.
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Copyright July, 2011, by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.