by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
Just for the fun of it, I pulled out a 20 Chinese Yuen at a cash register in a local store, and because I had just returned home from China, I told the cashier where I got the money, and she said, “You know, I’ve never had any desire to leave this country.” I responded saying, “It is a positive experience, and it makes you proud to be an American.”
Of course, I didn’t have the time to explain my statement, but what I said to the clerk made me stop and think about it. How does it make me proud to be an American?
There are three caveats regarding my comments. First, they are based on my personal perspective only. Second, they are generally based on this one experience abroad, even though I have traveled around the world, lived in Pakistan for fourteen-and-a-half months, and taught at several universities in Australia. Third, they are generalizations. They capture my feelings at this moment, within a week of my return from twenty-three days abroad.
Also, I must mention the reference base for my observations. Perrysburg, Ohio, where I have lived for more than 35 years, is a suburb of Toledo, Ohio. It is a small town where most residents are educated, literate, well-informed, and either middle or upper class.
On the 16-day cruise, my wife and I visited nine large Asian cities: Bangkok, Thailand, Singapore, Saigon and Nha Trang, Vietnam, Hong Kong, Taipai, Taiwan, Okinawa, Japan, and Shanghai and Beijing, China. Although each of these cities has qualities similar to the others, each has a unique and distinct quality all its own, and in the observations that follow, I do not want to suggest that I am grouping these cities or considering them a single entity. Grouping them is unfair. For example, there is a radical difference between all of these cities and Saigon. Singapore, too, offers a situation that is radically different from all of the others. (I have written separate essays on my experiences in each of these nine cities, and they are published elsewhere.)
Why am I proud to be an American? There is no question (in my mind) that travel abroad makes you proud to be an American, because with no experiences outside of our country, it is hard to appreciate what it is that makes us special—special enough to make me want to write about it.
The first element that makes me proud to be an American is that I can go almost anywhere in the U.S. and know that I can drink the water. I cannot believe, for example, that in Beijing, the capitol of China, where over 15 million people live, you cannot drink the water. Anywhere! The residents boil their water before drinking it, and many depend on bottled water. Even in the luxurious hotels, bottled water is provided, and you are warned not to drink it from the tap.
The second element that makes me proud to be an American is that I can go almost anywhere in the U.S., and there is little or no pollution. Of course our large cities suffer from pollution problems, but the nine cities I visited each has serious pollution problems. In Hong Kong, we never had a day when we could clearly see all the buildings. Every one of the cities we visited have heavy pollution, and Beijing (once again) is the worst polluted city in the world. Often, as you drive from the dock area into the city, you can see the cloud of smog that envelopes the city. As we approached Istanbul, a couple of years ago, the gray-yellow mass that hung over the city was obvious, thick, and covered the city like a large, dirty comforter.
The third element is litter, dirt, and poverty. I don’t want to suggest we don’t have areas of our country that are affected by litter, dirt, and poverty, but I have never seen as much of each in one place as I saw when traveling from the dock (Phu My) into Saigon. There are unlikely to be many places in the U.S. where residents use the side of the road as a dump, where residents (millions of them) live from hand-to-mouth on a daily basis, where the air is filled with swirling dust, dirt, and exhaust emissions, and where small open-front stores selling all kinds of goods, including fruit, vegetables, and other foods—and even restaurants—cannot help but be contaminated by the dirt, litter, and pollution.
In addition to Vietnam, nations such as Cambodia, Laos, Burma, and East Timor rank near the bottom of global development lists. Across Southeast Asia, more than 1 billion people live on less than $2.00 U.S. per day.
The fourth element—and this could, and perhaps should, be listed first—is our freedom. In Taiwan, we were told by our tour guide, Jan de Vries, that the people cannot own land. All the land is owned by the government, and people can only rent it. In Singapore, it is against the law to chew gum in public—and the law in this pristine, litter-free place is enforced ruthlessly. In Singapore, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Shanghai, and Beijing, the media is owned by the government, and although things are more open today than ten or twenty years ago, free speech is limited, and there is no open political debate or discussion. If you think what you see is democracy because it looks free and open, think again: it isn’t. A political junkie like myself who enjoys the free and open discussion of politics and relishes the controversy displayed in the media would go nuts in these countries—and maybe be imprisoned.
As the fifth element (and beyond), I want to group a number of things that I observed that make me proud to be an American. I like our malls and shopping centers for their cleanliness and fixed prices; I have experienced enough dirty markets and bazaars where there are no fixed prices, where you must bargain for everything, and where hawkers grab at you, yell at you, and try to pull you into their shops. I like speaking English and enjoy interacting with people who at the very least have English as a second or third language. Although I enjoy seeing street vendors, they are rampant in Bangkok, and the local people depend on them for food and snacks. Their stalls, stands, or carts are generally dirty and poorly maintained. In the U.S. they would be banned as a health hazard. I like our sanitation and health standards. Although not always maintained as well as they could be, I love our interstates, highways, and roads. The roads in Saigon are horrendous, and the streets within most of these large cities were never constructed for the amount of traffic they bear. It is overwhelming, and in Bangkok and Saigon, motor cycles and scooters are preferred, and few drivers respect the rights of pedestrians—anywhere.
My list could go on to mention 5,000-year-old traditions and beliefs, populations density, societies that depend on class consciousness, or the garishness of religious symbols, but I want to add a final note. We enjoy traveling widely, and our trip to Southeast Asia was no exception. Just because I observed differences between cultures, does not mean I disliked anything I observed. It comes back to the old cliche: “Nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there.” “While no nation is greater than another,” one writer on the Internet said when I Googled, “Proud to be an American,” “and no nationality is superior to another, I am happy to be among those who call the United States their home.” .My conclusion is simple: “It sure makes you proud to be an American.”
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At “The Heritage Foundation” website, the article there by Walter Lohman, “Guidelines for U.S. Policy in Southeast Asia,” (March 20, 2007), will give you phenomenal perspective and interesting insights as to why the U.S. has an interest in this particular area of the world. This article is valuable and offers an eye-opening examination of Southeast Asia.
At the website “Encyclopedia.com,” I found the following comment, which I quote here (f.y.i.), in full: “SOUTHEAST ASIA EXHIBITS TREMENDOUS CULTURAL AND RELIGIOUS diversity; all the major religions of the world can be found in the region. It is also marked by vast economic disparities. At one end of the spectrum is Singapore, which has a standard of living higher than that of Spain or Portugal. At the other end are countries like Laos and Burma (Myanmar), which are desperately poor. There is also a great deal of variety in the types of political systems that characterize the region. The Philippines is a democracy, the Republic of Vietnam a one-party state, and Brunei a semi-feudal …“ The rest of the article is available at HighBeam Research, and I did not read it.
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Copyright March, 2011, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.
Showing posts with label And Then Some Essays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label And Then Some Essays. Show all posts
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Following the rules
Those of you familiar with my essays and especially my books know that I am a rules-based person. After my first collection of essays, And Then Some: Essays to Entertain, Motivate, and Inspire, I immediately wrote the book, Public Speaking Rules: All You Need for a Great Speech. I followed that rules-based book with a book entitled, SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules. As if that wasn’t enough, I wrote an additional rules-based book entitled, Relationship Rules: For Long-term Happiness, Security, and Commitment. With all of this as a preface, it is little wonder that I would be attracted to a New York Times article by Jane E. Brody entitled, “Rules Worth Following, for Everyone’s Sake” (“Personal Health,” 02-02-10, p. D7).
Now, I am familiar with Brody’s essays in the science section of the Times every Tuesday, and I have cited her numerous times in my textbooks, because she often writes about aspects of interpersonal relationships, verbal and nonverbal communication, and other facets of human behavior—all topics I discuss in my textbooks.
In this essay I want to cover the same topics she covers in her essay. I am deeply indebted to her for the ideas in this essay, and I give her full credit for them.
Brody’s column is based on “a slender, easy-to-digest new book called Food Rules: An Eater’s Manual (137 pages, $11 retail, $5.50 at Amazon) by Michael Pollan.” Pollan is a professor of science journalism at the University of California, Berkeley. Kristine Hale, in her four-star review of Pollan’s book at Amazon.com, writes, “Pollan takes the essential and fascinating information that he wrote about in his previous book [In Defense of Food: An Eaters Manifesto (256 pages, $7.50 at Amazon)] and simmers it down into a succinct (the book is basically 70 half pages long) ‘manual’ of rules for eating. While this book retains some of the bones of its predecessor, it is by no means a Cliff's Notes version. This manual is essential reading all on its own.”
In her review of the book, Norma Lehmeierhartie tells how the Pollan book is organized: “The book is divided into three parts and has 64 chapters or rules. The following will give you a good idea of what the book is about: Part I, What should I eat? Includes such chapters as ‘Don't eat anything your great-grandmother wouldn't recognize as food,’ ‘avoid food products that contain more than five ingredients,’ and ‘avoid foods that contain high-fructose corn syrup.’
Part II, What kind of food should I eat? includes, ‘Eat mostly plants, especially leaves,’ ‘eat your colors,’ and ‘the whiter the bread, the sooner you will be dead.’ Part III, How should I eat? includes: ‘pay more, eat less,’ ‘eat less,’ and ‘limit your snacks to unprocessed plant food.’”
Jesse Kornbluth, in his review of Pollan’s book, offers samples of some of his rules: “What does Pollan tell you in these pages? Here's a sample:
--- ‘Don't eat anything your great grandmother wouldn't recognize as food.’
--- ‘Don't eat anything with more than five ingredients, or ingredients you can't pronounce.’
---- ‘Don't eat anything that won't eventually rot...There are exceptions --- honey --- but as a rule, things like Twinkies that never go bad aren't food.’
--- ‘Always leave the table a little hungry.'
--- ‘Eat meals together, at regular meal times.’
--- ‘Don't eat breakfast cereals that change the color of the milk.’
There are three types of people who will not appreciate Pollan’s book. First, those who have read his previous books will find this one redundant. More than that, it is simply a distillation of and recycled verbatim from his previous book, In Defense of Food, referred to above. Second, if you are already into food and nutrition, you will find much of what Pollan says, common sense—maybe even, elementary. The third type of person who can skip this book and his previous one are those who simply adopt Pollan’s approach, which he summarized in just seven words: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” Obesity solved! Diet-related ailments eliminated!
There is only one reason I have provided these quotations from reviews of Pollan’s book. I have not read it myself, and I am dependent on the Amazon reviews and Brody for their interpretations and insights.
Quoting from Brody’s column, “The new book provides the practical steps [for following his approach], starting with advice to avoid ‘processed concoctions,’ no matter what the label may claim (‘no trans fats,’ ‘low cholesterol,’ ‘less sugar,’ ‘reduced sodium,’ ‘high in antioxidants,’ and so forth).” If you read his book, you will become accustomed to his cute way of phrasing his ideas. For example, “If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don’t.”
“Avoid foods advertised on television.. . . Those who sell the most healthful foods—vegetables, fruits and whole grains—rarely have a budget to support national advertising.” If you shop in a supermarket, “shop only the periphery of the store and avoid the center aisles laden with processed foods”. . . and “Never get your fuel from the same place your car does,” Pollan writes.
Other valuable rules include, “If you’re not paying attention to what you’re eating, you’re likely to eat more than you realize,” or“Stop eating before you’re full,” “There is nothing wrong with special occasion foods, as long as every day is not a special occasion,” and the rule I love the best is Pollan’s “S policy”: “No snacks, no seconds, no sweets—except on days that begin with the letter S.” There is clearly a reason why I’m rules-oriented—don’t you wish everyone was?
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If you think following rules is a new concept, or if you think rules are a modern idea, or if you think old rules do not apply, check out this web site: PlugInID.com, and the essay there entitled “21 Rules to Live Your Life - Dokkodo.” “Dokkodo” is a small book written by Miyamoto Musashi a week before he died in 1645. 1645!!!!! Read these 21 rules. They are terrific guidelines by which to form a very good life. Just the first two examples: 1. Accept everything just the way it is, and 2. Do not seek pleasure for its own sake. Also, this is not a simple listing; all rules are explained and discussed as well.
If you want an entertaining, delightful, and challenging adventure, look at: “Life’s Rules of Thumb (and other quotes)” and you will discover an array of over 85 great quotations. Some of the quotations (to offer but a mere sampling) that I liked include, “If your plan is for one year, plant rice. If your plan is for ten years, plant trees. If your plan is for one hundred years, educate children.” Confucius. Or, “People are basically honest. And they're even more honest when you watch them.” Alan C. "Ace" Greenberg. Or, “Life at work is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but arseholes.” Anonymous.
You get just a fraction of the pleasure here that you will get by going to this web site.
-----
Copyright July, 2010, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.
Now, I am familiar with Brody’s essays in the science section of the Times every Tuesday, and I have cited her numerous times in my textbooks, because she often writes about aspects of interpersonal relationships, verbal and nonverbal communication, and other facets of human behavior—all topics I discuss in my textbooks.
In this essay I want to cover the same topics she covers in her essay. I am deeply indebted to her for the ideas in this essay, and I give her full credit for them.
Brody’s column is based on “a slender, easy-to-digest new book called Food Rules: An Eater’s Manual (137 pages, $11 retail, $5.50 at Amazon) by Michael Pollan.” Pollan is a professor of science journalism at the University of California, Berkeley. Kristine Hale, in her four-star review of Pollan’s book at Amazon.com, writes, “Pollan takes the essential and fascinating information that he wrote about in his previous book [In Defense of Food: An Eaters Manifesto (256 pages, $7.50 at Amazon)] and simmers it down into a succinct (the book is basically 70 half pages long) ‘manual’ of rules for eating. While this book retains some of the bones of its predecessor, it is by no means a Cliff's Notes version. This manual is essential reading all on its own.”
In her review of the book, Norma Lehmeierhartie tells how the Pollan book is organized: “The book is divided into three parts and has 64 chapters or rules. The following will give you a good idea of what the book is about: Part I, What should I eat? Includes such chapters as ‘Don't eat anything your great-grandmother wouldn't recognize as food,’ ‘avoid food products that contain more than five ingredients,’ and ‘avoid foods that contain high-fructose corn syrup.’
Part II, What kind of food should I eat? includes, ‘Eat mostly plants, especially leaves,’ ‘eat your colors,’ and ‘the whiter the bread, the sooner you will be dead.’ Part III, How should I eat? includes: ‘pay more, eat less,’ ‘eat less,’ and ‘limit your snacks to unprocessed plant food.’”
Jesse Kornbluth, in his review of Pollan’s book, offers samples of some of his rules: “What does Pollan tell you in these pages? Here's a sample:
--- ‘Don't eat anything your great grandmother wouldn't recognize as food.’
--- ‘Don't eat anything with more than five ingredients, or ingredients you can't pronounce.’
---- ‘Don't eat anything that won't eventually rot...There are exceptions --- honey --- but as a rule, things like Twinkies that never go bad aren't food.’
--- ‘Always leave the table a little hungry.'
--- ‘Eat meals together, at regular meal times.’
--- ‘Don't eat breakfast cereals that change the color of the milk.’
There are three types of people who will not appreciate Pollan’s book. First, those who have read his previous books will find this one redundant. More than that, it is simply a distillation of and recycled verbatim from his previous book, In Defense of Food, referred to above. Second, if you are already into food and nutrition, you will find much of what Pollan says, common sense—maybe even, elementary. The third type of person who can skip this book and his previous one are those who simply adopt Pollan’s approach, which he summarized in just seven words: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” Obesity solved! Diet-related ailments eliminated!
There is only one reason I have provided these quotations from reviews of Pollan’s book. I have not read it myself, and I am dependent on the Amazon reviews and Brody for their interpretations and insights.
Quoting from Brody’s column, “The new book provides the practical steps [for following his approach], starting with advice to avoid ‘processed concoctions,’ no matter what the label may claim (‘no trans fats,’ ‘low cholesterol,’ ‘less sugar,’ ‘reduced sodium,’ ‘high in antioxidants,’ and so forth).” If you read his book, you will become accustomed to his cute way of phrasing his ideas. For example, “If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don’t.”
“Avoid foods advertised on television.. . . Those who sell the most healthful foods—vegetables, fruits and whole grains—rarely have a budget to support national advertising.” If you shop in a supermarket, “shop only the periphery of the store and avoid the center aisles laden with processed foods”. . . and “Never get your fuel from the same place your car does,” Pollan writes.
Other valuable rules include, “If you’re not paying attention to what you’re eating, you’re likely to eat more than you realize,” or“Stop eating before you’re full,” “There is nothing wrong with special occasion foods, as long as every day is not a special occasion,” and the rule I love the best is Pollan’s “S policy”: “No snacks, no seconds, no sweets—except on days that begin with the letter S.” There is clearly a reason why I’m rules-oriented—don’t you wish everyone was?
-----
If you think following rules is a new concept, or if you think rules are a modern idea, or if you think old rules do not apply, check out this web site: PlugInID.com, and the essay there entitled “21 Rules to Live Your Life - Dokkodo.” “Dokkodo” is a small book written by Miyamoto Musashi a week before he died in 1645. 1645!!!!! Read these 21 rules. They are terrific guidelines by which to form a very good life. Just the first two examples: 1. Accept everything just the way it is, and 2. Do not seek pleasure for its own sake. Also, this is not a simple listing; all rules are explained and discussed as well.
If you want an entertaining, delightful, and challenging adventure, look at: “Life’s Rules of Thumb (and other quotes)” and you will discover an array of over 85 great quotations. Some of the quotations (to offer but a mere sampling) that I liked include, “If your plan is for one year, plant rice. If your plan is for ten years, plant trees. If your plan is for one hundred years, educate children.” Confucius. Or, “People are basically honest. And they're even more honest when you watch them.” Alan C. "Ace" Greenberg. Or, “Life at work is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but arseholes.” Anonymous.
You get just a fraction of the pleasure here that you will get by going to this web site.
-----
Copyright July, 2010, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
The luxury of travel by car
Luxury is defined as something that is not necessary to my life, health, or subsistence, and something, too, that ministers to my comfort and pleasure, but when it comes to travel, “luxury” for some means traveling by air alone or, if by automobile, staying only at top-of-the-line hotels or motels and eating at the very best restaurants. If either of these travel options are those that satisfy your travel taste buds, then you may find my definition (which follows) totally off the mark. I will define “luxury” through a description of traveling by car.
I realize as I am writing this that the tough economic times we are currently experiencing means that some will consider any travel opportunity a luxury, and I respect that opinion. I am not just fully aware that my chances to travel are fortunate, but I am truly thankful for them as well.
My goal on this trip (March 2009) is Ft. Lauderdale and a cruise of the Southern Caribbean, but the cruise itself is not the subject of this essay, and if a cruise were the subject of interest with respect to defining “luxury,” there would be no discussion. Cruising is luxurious by any definition.
My “luxury” begins with several stipulations. The first is that I want to save money. A second stipulation is that I want to eat “well” — but, obviously, not expensively. And a third stipulation is that I want to travel at my own pace. That is, I take my time (and avoid flying because my wife hates to fly).
“Luxury” begins at home. I make enough coffee to take an additional 18-ounce mug full of coffee in the car; we don’t stop for coffee. I make lunches as well, and I take an electric car refrigerator so I can make lunches in motel rooms for the next day. A cheese sandwich with mayonnaise, mustard, and lettuce on pumpernickel bread and an additional peanut butter and jelly sandwich supplemented by fresh vegetables (carrots), fresh fruit (apples and grapes), and a cookie for dessert, make a nice meal that can be eaten while driving. Also, for dinner I have a quarter of a Tyson (already cooked) chicken, mustard potato salad, baked beans, and a tossed salad — which my wife and I eat at the small table in the motel room.
You begin to see, now, where my “luxury” is going.
The only stops on our days of car travel are for bathrooms and welcome centers. When entering a state where I will spend the night, I stop at the welcome center to pick up travel coupons. By departing in the morning by 8:30, I can stop in the afternoon by 3:30-4 p.m. Seven and one half hours of constant driving is sufficient, and stopping by 4 means I am among the first to stop and, thus, have a choice of rooms.
Stopping by 4:00 p.m. allows plenty of time to relax. If either my wife or I wanted to swim, the pool is always clean and devoid of anyone else. There is often fruit in the motel lobby, and around 5:00 p.m. there are fresh cookies in the lobby as well. This is time to read the newspaper, magazine, or a book that I carry, or to write an essay (as when this one was written).
I travel with a variety of CDs so I always have music in the car. This is a necessity, not a “luxury.” Having just burned more than 50 new CDs from the 500 or more long-playing records I collected 50 years ago, I had music I hadn’t listened to for a long time. With a six-disc CD player, each CD carrying close to 80 minutes of music, I could load the player in the morning and have enough uninterrupted music for a full day of driving.
Other “luxuries” included having my own pillow from home, carrying my own snacks (always having them available), and being in total control of my life. One problem of being dependent on others is the loss of control involved.
A good example of how control is lost occurred at the Hampton Inn in Hollywood, Florida — the place I chose to stay during the night before the cruise. I decided to leave the car at the motel as part of a cruise/park deal, rather than at the parking garage at the Port Everglades port. The cost at the port was $225 (plus tax), and the Hampton Inn charged $198 (plus tax), but the Inn included an overnight stay plus a free all-you-can-eat breakfast. It was a no-brainer, true, but that choice led to a loss of control.
By choosing to leave the car a the Hampton Inn, I was dependent on the Inn for transportation to and from the port. I had all morning of the day of the cruise at the Inn; however, I requested an earlier transit. Although the request was granted, it turned out that everyone heading for the port left at the same time on a bus that seated 60 people. There, waiting for the bus, were my wife and I with two overstuffed bags, two garment bags, two carry-ons (for pills and toiletries), and two fanny-packs — totally at the mercy of a driver and his assistant. (You just have to hope they know what they are doing, that luggage gets put into the correct compartment, and that luggage is removed at the right time. I don’t like the loss of control!)
As an aside, here, the transit from the Inn to the Port provided a new experience for my wife and me. Before leaving the Hampton Inn, the bus driver explained that he and his assistant would split the tips acquired on this trip, and they expected $2.00 per person for handling our bags. His assistant then proceeded down the aisle collecting the tips. Many couples, I noticed, gave him $5.00, not four — perhaps because they didn’t have dollar bills. Having been warned about the need for providing tips, and having cruised a number of times before, we were well prepared with dollar bills. I wonder what the bus driver and his assistant would do with someone who chose not to tip them or to tip them less than what they expected?)
The “luxury” of this Inn-Port transit was that no further handling of the bags was necessary. My wife and I were told that the next time we would see our bags would be on the ship at our room. A porter outside the bus (at the port) asked $2.00 per couple for taking the bags from the shuttle to the ship!)
The dictionary defines “luxury” as something that is not necessary to life, health, or subsistence, and something, too, that ministers to one’s comfort and pleasure. What is “comfort” or “pleasure” to one person certainly differs from what is “comfort” and “pleasure” to another, and my wife and I have our own definition of “luxury” when we travel by car. No, its not travel by air, and it’s not staying at the premiere hotels and motels, nor eating at upscale restaurants, but for us, whether we travel by car or by using our fifth-wheel, travel is, indeed, luxurious.
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“The world’s most luxurious destinations, luxury hotels and resorts, exclusive, secluded and exotic getaways, stylish escapes, and luxury cruises” — that’s what some advertisements say when you enter “luxury travel” in Google. But all travel need not be this luxurious. At Travelers’ Tales, Joel L. Widzer, “The Penny Pincher's Passport to Luxury Travel,” offers a book full of tips called The Art of Cultivating Preferred Customer Status—3rd Edition in which, according to the website, he “reveals his method for traveling in the lap of luxury without breaking the bank. Joel’s techniques are simple, proven, and available to even the infrequent traveler. Fulfill your travel dreams now! ” I have not read the book, and this website is an advertisement, however, it seems Widzer makes an emotional appeal aimed at my heart!
At suite101.com, Jennifer W. Miner has a great little essay, “Thanksgiving Travel Tips: Reduce stress and add luxury to your holiday travel plans,” that offers some specific travel suggestions — especially for those having to travel with other family members (children).
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Copyright March 2010 by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
I realize as I am writing this that the tough economic times we are currently experiencing means that some will consider any travel opportunity a luxury, and I respect that opinion. I am not just fully aware that my chances to travel are fortunate, but I am truly thankful for them as well.
My goal on this trip (March 2009) is Ft. Lauderdale and a cruise of the Southern Caribbean, but the cruise itself is not the subject of this essay, and if a cruise were the subject of interest with respect to defining “luxury,” there would be no discussion. Cruising is luxurious by any definition.
My “luxury” begins with several stipulations. The first is that I want to save money. A second stipulation is that I want to eat “well” — but, obviously, not expensively. And a third stipulation is that I want to travel at my own pace. That is, I take my time (and avoid flying because my wife hates to fly).
“Luxury” begins at home. I make enough coffee to take an additional 18-ounce mug full of coffee in the car; we don’t stop for coffee. I make lunches as well, and I take an electric car refrigerator so I can make lunches in motel rooms for the next day. A cheese sandwich with mayonnaise, mustard, and lettuce on pumpernickel bread and an additional peanut butter and jelly sandwich supplemented by fresh vegetables (carrots), fresh fruit (apples and grapes), and a cookie for dessert, make a nice meal that can be eaten while driving. Also, for dinner I have a quarter of a Tyson (already cooked) chicken, mustard potato salad, baked beans, and a tossed salad — which my wife and I eat at the small table in the motel room.
You begin to see, now, where my “luxury” is going.
The only stops on our days of car travel are for bathrooms and welcome centers. When entering a state where I will spend the night, I stop at the welcome center to pick up travel coupons. By departing in the morning by 8:30, I can stop in the afternoon by 3:30-4 p.m. Seven and one half hours of constant driving is sufficient, and stopping by 4 means I am among the first to stop and, thus, have a choice of rooms.
Stopping by 4:00 p.m. allows plenty of time to relax. If either my wife or I wanted to swim, the pool is always clean and devoid of anyone else. There is often fruit in the motel lobby, and around 5:00 p.m. there are fresh cookies in the lobby as well. This is time to read the newspaper, magazine, or a book that I carry, or to write an essay (as when this one was written).
I travel with a variety of CDs so I always have music in the car. This is a necessity, not a “luxury.” Having just burned more than 50 new CDs from the 500 or more long-playing records I collected 50 years ago, I had music I hadn’t listened to for a long time. With a six-disc CD player, each CD carrying close to 80 minutes of music, I could load the player in the morning and have enough uninterrupted music for a full day of driving.
Other “luxuries” included having my own pillow from home, carrying my own snacks (always having them available), and being in total control of my life. One problem of being dependent on others is the loss of control involved.
A good example of how control is lost occurred at the Hampton Inn in Hollywood, Florida — the place I chose to stay during the night before the cruise. I decided to leave the car at the motel as part of a cruise/park deal, rather than at the parking garage at the Port Everglades port. The cost at the port was $225 (plus tax), and the Hampton Inn charged $198 (plus tax), but the Inn included an overnight stay plus a free all-you-can-eat breakfast. It was a no-brainer, true, but that choice led to a loss of control.
By choosing to leave the car a the Hampton Inn, I was dependent on the Inn for transportation to and from the port. I had all morning of the day of the cruise at the Inn; however, I requested an earlier transit. Although the request was granted, it turned out that everyone heading for the port left at the same time on a bus that seated 60 people. There, waiting for the bus, were my wife and I with two overstuffed bags, two garment bags, two carry-ons (for pills and toiletries), and two fanny-packs — totally at the mercy of a driver and his assistant. (You just have to hope they know what they are doing, that luggage gets put into the correct compartment, and that luggage is removed at the right time. I don’t like the loss of control!)
As an aside, here, the transit from the Inn to the Port provided a new experience for my wife and me. Before leaving the Hampton Inn, the bus driver explained that he and his assistant would split the tips acquired on this trip, and they expected $2.00 per person for handling our bags. His assistant then proceeded down the aisle collecting the tips. Many couples, I noticed, gave him $5.00, not four — perhaps because they didn’t have dollar bills. Having been warned about the need for providing tips, and having cruised a number of times before, we were well prepared with dollar bills. I wonder what the bus driver and his assistant would do with someone who chose not to tip them or to tip them less than what they expected?)
The “luxury” of this Inn-Port transit was that no further handling of the bags was necessary. My wife and I were told that the next time we would see our bags would be on the ship at our room. A porter outside the bus (at the port) asked $2.00 per couple for taking the bags from the shuttle to the ship!)
The dictionary defines “luxury” as something that is not necessary to life, health, or subsistence, and something, too, that ministers to one’s comfort and pleasure. What is “comfort” or “pleasure” to one person certainly differs from what is “comfort” and “pleasure” to another, and my wife and I have our own definition of “luxury” when we travel by car. No, its not travel by air, and it’s not staying at the premiere hotels and motels, nor eating at upscale restaurants, but for us, whether we travel by car or by using our fifth-wheel, travel is, indeed, luxurious.
-----
“The world’s most luxurious destinations, luxury hotels and resorts, exclusive, secluded and exotic getaways, stylish escapes, and luxury cruises” — that’s what some advertisements say when you enter “luxury travel” in Google. But all travel need not be this luxurious. At Travelers’ Tales, Joel L. Widzer, “The Penny Pincher's Passport to Luxury Travel,” offers a book full of tips called The Art of Cultivating Preferred Customer Status—3rd Edition in which, according to the website, he “reveals his method for traveling in the lap of luxury without breaking the bank. Joel’s techniques are simple, proven, and available to even the infrequent traveler. Fulfill your travel dreams now! ” I have not read the book, and this website is an advertisement, however, it seems Widzer makes an emotional appeal aimed at my heart!
At suite101.com, Jennifer W. Miner has a great little essay, “Thanksgiving Travel Tips: Reduce stress and add luxury to your holiday travel plans,” that offers some specific travel suggestions — especially for those having to travel with other family members (children).
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Copyright March 2010 by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
We’re cruising again
Yes, we’re at it again. It is March, 2009, and this is our 9th cruise. As I write this essay, it is a full two days before we leave (we’re driving to Ft. Lauderdale), and we are almost all packed. We seldom wait until the last minute, in that way all the essentials are packed, and our minds can spend time on details (e.g., refills for my writing pens, jogging shorts, heating pad for Andrea, etc.) Fortunately, I brought our suitcases down from the attic almost a week in advance of leaving because I had forgotten that on our last cruise to the Mediterranean, those handling our bags not only ripped the canvas covering, but broke off one of the two wheels as well. The suitcase was so badly damaged it was no longer useful. The suitcase was one of the victims of frequent travel.
From the outset (when I brought the old suitcase down from the attic), My wife wanted to make certain I did not save it. She knows I’m a saver. So, despite my feeling — who knows what some potential use I can find for it? — I promised to dump it upon getting a new one. More on the acquisition of a new one in a moment.
You may wonder how luggage is broken. You may, of course, be able to guess; however, (unless you are a cruiser yourself) I don’t think you can conger up, in your wildest dreams, how luggage is ruined. Forget about airline personnel, conveyer belts, throwing it into the hold of an airplane, and all the other pre- or post-cruise possibilities; I’m talking about on-ship handling.
It became clear to us (how luggage is broken) when we arrived early to the ship for one of our cruises. Our stateroom had been changed, and we were absolutely convinced (correctly, I might add), that our luggage was heading to our old room and not to the new one we had recently been assigned.
When visiting the deck where our former/original room was located, we watched (witnessed is more like it!) luggage being distributed by the ship’s handlers, to the various floors. It was one of the most eye-opening, amazing, spectacles we have ever witnessed on our cruises. Luggage is brought to the floor by elevator, then handlers literally throw the bags from the elevator into a large pile in the lobby. How and where the bags land is irrelevant: the sole goal of the handlers is speed — getting those bags off that elevator so it can return to the lowest floor and gather more. There is no concern of any kind for the care or safekeeping of customer luggage.
But, this is not the end of luggage handling. Room stewards on each floor are responsible for transporting the bags to individual rooms. They are the ones who pull the bags down the hallways across the metal threshold dividers that occur periodically down the hallways. Speed, again, is the essential element as the bags are pulled to each room. This is where the wheels of each bag get their most severe test as they are rolled over these metal thresholds. Most luggage wheels are small and made out of plastic. (I will be anxious to see whether or not the wheels of my new bag survive the test.)
I want to return now, to the purchase of my new piece of luggage. The first thing we did was to check advertisements for sales. Kohl’s, within less than a mile of our home, had a “buy one, get one free” ad, so I went there first even though we had no need for a second bag. Having measured the one I was replacing, I could not find one of the exact dimensions I needed, so I began checking other local stores (i.e., Target, Meijer, K-Mart, and Walmart). I found one at Target and purchased it, then I found a better one at Meijer and purchased it, returning the one to Target immediately.
After bringing it home and comparing it with my old bag, my wife determined that it was too big. Although I liked the bag, it would be far too heavy when full.
The next step was to have my wife accompany me to Kohl’s, which proved to be just the right solution, and here’s why. We wanted a bag slightly smaller than my old one (actually, the same size as my wife’ suitcase), which means one that fit the dimensions: 25-inches high, 9-10-inches deep, and 17-18-inches wide. The one we found was a superb suitcase.
The suitcase was part of an exhibit of Samsonite luggage, and there was a single sign on the exhibit that advertised the pieces at 50% off. The luggage tag on the piece we selected was $359.99, so the sale price (as it came up on the cashier’s register) was $179.99. My wife and I looked at the cashier in shock, because the sign advertising the pieces on this exhibit clearly said that the price for this sized bag was $139.99. My wife went back to the exhibit to make certain we had read the sign correctly, and she determined that that was, indeed, the price we expected to pay.
The cashier spoke into her lavalier microphone, and she had an assistant go back to the exhibit to check the price. I accompanied her. She looked at the sign and the luggage, and she determined that the bag we had was part of the “Drive Collection” whereas the sign referred only to the “Austonia Collection” in the same exhibit — not to the “Drive Collection.” At that point, she told me, it’s up to the cashier to determine what to do.
I went back and joined my wife at the register, and the cashier quickly decided to give us the bag at the advertised price of $139.99, which was a $40.00 markdown for this item at the 50%-off price. At this point, my wife produced her 20% off coupon she had received in the mail. This reduced the cost of the bag another $28.00, to a total (with tax of 6.5%) of $119.27. We were, in effect, getting a bag offered at the suggested retail price of $359.99 (plus tax of $23.40) for only 31% of that price — an incredible (and lucky) deal! Whether this bag is able to withstand the handling on this forthcoming trip, of course, is yet to be known.
One of the features on this new bag which I worry about are the heavily advertised, “Four Spinner Wheels for Effortless Mobility.” The wheels are small (2-inches in diameter) and as most wheels, they are plastic. Will they handle the metal thresholds that punish bags, or will the canvas be stronger and more durable than bags of lesser “quality” is to be determined. That essay is yet to be written.
What can you learn from all this? Start your packing early. Understand that luggage is treated in the most extreme manner that your mind can imagine. On one trip our bag came apart so radically that we had to purchase a luggage strap in the ship store to hold it together until we could get home. Buy expense bags? I have no clue on this one. (I’ll let you know!) All I can say is that I feel incredibly lucky to be heading out on this trip with a bag that I feel is so special, so much more than I have paid for any previous luggage, and one that will test the theory: the more you pay the less likely the damage. (As an afterthought, and written well after this original essay, I can attest to the strength of this piece of luggage. It withstood all tests.)
-----
At CruiseDiva.com, Linda Coffman offers excellent advice in her essay, “Tips for Selecting Luggage for Your Cruise.” She presents the problem: “Airport and pier baggage handlers are notoriously rough with suitcases, so a top consideration is sturdy discount luggage. It doesn't have to be top-of-the-line, but it should be well-built to withstand the rigors of conveyors and sorting machines; not to mention being stacked, dropped and thrown through the air. Really! I've seen that happen!,” and she gives a number of considerations, one of them being, “Brand name luggage that comes with a good warranty is always desirable, but no-name or private label brands can also stand the test of time.”
At DoctorCruise, there are six excellent suggestions regarding your luggage.
-----
Copyright March 2010 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
From the outset (when I brought the old suitcase down from the attic), My wife wanted to make certain I did not save it. She knows I’m a saver. So, despite my feeling — who knows what some potential use I can find for it? — I promised to dump it upon getting a new one. More on the acquisition of a new one in a moment.
You may wonder how luggage is broken. You may, of course, be able to guess; however, (unless you are a cruiser yourself) I don’t think you can conger up, in your wildest dreams, how luggage is ruined. Forget about airline personnel, conveyer belts, throwing it into the hold of an airplane, and all the other pre- or post-cruise possibilities; I’m talking about on-ship handling.
It became clear to us (how luggage is broken) when we arrived early to the ship for one of our cruises. Our stateroom had been changed, and we were absolutely convinced (correctly, I might add), that our luggage was heading to our old room and not to the new one we had recently been assigned.
When visiting the deck where our former/original room was located, we watched (witnessed is more like it!) luggage being distributed by the ship’s handlers, to the various floors. It was one of the most eye-opening, amazing, spectacles we have ever witnessed on our cruises. Luggage is brought to the floor by elevator, then handlers literally throw the bags from the elevator into a large pile in the lobby. How and where the bags land is irrelevant: the sole goal of the handlers is speed — getting those bags off that elevator so it can return to the lowest floor and gather more. There is no concern of any kind for the care or safekeeping of customer luggage.
But, this is not the end of luggage handling. Room stewards on each floor are responsible for transporting the bags to individual rooms. They are the ones who pull the bags down the hallways across the metal threshold dividers that occur periodically down the hallways. Speed, again, is the essential element as the bags are pulled to each room. This is where the wheels of each bag get their most severe test as they are rolled over these metal thresholds. Most luggage wheels are small and made out of plastic. (I will be anxious to see whether or not the wheels of my new bag survive the test.)
I want to return now, to the purchase of my new piece of luggage. The first thing we did was to check advertisements for sales. Kohl’s, within less than a mile of our home, had a “buy one, get one free” ad, so I went there first even though we had no need for a second bag. Having measured the one I was replacing, I could not find one of the exact dimensions I needed, so I began checking other local stores (i.e., Target, Meijer, K-Mart, and Walmart). I found one at Target and purchased it, then I found a better one at Meijer and purchased it, returning the one to Target immediately.
After bringing it home and comparing it with my old bag, my wife determined that it was too big. Although I liked the bag, it would be far too heavy when full.
The next step was to have my wife accompany me to Kohl’s, which proved to be just the right solution, and here’s why. We wanted a bag slightly smaller than my old one (actually, the same size as my wife’ suitcase), which means one that fit the dimensions: 25-inches high, 9-10-inches deep, and 17-18-inches wide. The one we found was a superb suitcase.
The suitcase was part of an exhibit of Samsonite luggage, and there was a single sign on the exhibit that advertised the pieces at 50% off. The luggage tag on the piece we selected was $359.99, so the sale price (as it came up on the cashier’s register) was $179.99. My wife and I looked at the cashier in shock, because the sign advertising the pieces on this exhibit clearly said that the price for this sized bag was $139.99. My wife went back to the exhibit to make certain we had read the sign correctly, and she determined that that was, indeed, the price we expected to pay.
The cashier spoke into her lavalier microphone, and she had an assistant go back to the exhibit to check the price. I accompanied her. She looked at the sign and the luggage, and she determined that the bag we had was part of the “Drive Collection” whereas the sign referred only to the “Austonia Collection” in the same exhibit — not to the “Drive Collection.” At that point, she told me, it’s up to the cashier to determine what to do.
I went back and joined my wife at the register, and the cashier quickly decided to give us the bag at the advertised price of $139.99, which was a $40.00 markdown for this item at the 50%-off price. At this point, my wife produced her 20% off coupon she had received in the mail. This reduced the cost of the bag another $28.00, to a total (with tax of 6.5%) of $119.27. We were, in effect, getting a bag offered at the suggested retail price of $359.99 (plus tax of $23.40) for only 31% of that price — an incredible (and lucky) deal! Whether this bag is able to withstand the handling on this forthcoming trip, of course, is yet to be known.
One of the features on this new bag which I worry about are the heavily advertised, “Four Spinner Wheels for Effortless Mobility.” The wheels are small (2-inches in diameter) and as most wheels, they are plastic. Will they handle the metal thresholds that punish bags, or will the canvas be stronger and more durable than bags of lesser “quality” is to be determined. That essay is yet to be written.
What can you learn from all this? Start your packing early. Understand that luggage is treated in the most extreme manner that your mind can imagine. On one trip our bag came apart so radically that we had to purchase a luggage strap in the ship store to hold it together until we could get home. Buy expense bags? I have no clue on this one. (I’ll let you know!) All I can say is that I feel incredibly lucky to be heading out on this trip with a bag that I feel is so special, so much more than I have paid for any previous luggage, and one that will test the theory: the more you pay the less likely the damage. (As an afterthought, and written well after this original essay, I can attest to the strength of this piece of luggage. It withstood all tests.)
-----
At CruiseDiva.com, Linda Coffman offers excellent advice in her essay, “Tips for Selecting Luggage for Your Cruise.” She presents the problem: “Airport and pier baggage handlers are notoriously rough with suitcases, so a top consideration is sturdy discount luggage. It doesn't have to be top-of-the-line, but it should be well-built to withstand the rigors of conveyors and sorting machines; not to mention being stacked, dropped and thrown through the air. Really! I've seen that happen!,” and she gives a number of considerations, one of them being, “Brand name luggage that comes with a good warranty is always desirable, but no-name or private label brands can also stand the test of time.”
At DoctorCruise, there are six excellent suggestions regarding your luggage.
-----
Copyright March 2010 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
When all else fails...
by Richard L. Weaver II
What people of every age need to know is that they have resources beyond which they understand, appreciate, or use; thus, when all else fails, to depend on these resources may well overcome the restriction, resolve the problem, make the right choice clear, or offer the alternative that leads the way out of the dilemma.
If everyone followed (or has followed) the advice in this essay, many of their resources would already be clear because they would be often practiced and, thus, known.
In my essay, “Good, memorable advice from a father and grandfather to a younger generation,” from the book (and formerly published in The (Toledo) Blade), And Then Some: Essays to Entertain, Motivate, & Inspire there are at least 20 pieces of specific advice. That essay is an excellent place to begin for it talks of opportunity, knowledge, hard work, bouncing back, staying informed, friendship, health, responsibility, happiness, and much more. This one proceeds from where that one left off with some small amount of overlap.
When all else fails begins with belief in yourself and your abilities. Nothing else that follows here matters when there is no self-efficacy. It is the essential and fundamental cornerstone of any edifice. You must convince yourself subconsciously that you can achieve what you set out to do. In that way your efforts will be boosted and the results will reaffirm your self belief and strengthen your trust in yourself as well as your self-confidence.
Closely related to a belief in yourself is thinking of the world in a positive way. If you have a positive outlook, you will feel it. Sometimes you have to pretend, and that’s okay. When you have a smile on your face, nobody knows what’s going on inside. Also, when you’re optimistic and encouraging (reinforcing the smile on your face), others respond to what they see, and, like a self-fulfilling prophecy, it begins to take hold within you, and you begin to believe that you are truly positive and optimistic — no matter how you felt in the beginning.
When all else fails, friendships will pull you through. When you’re a good friend, someone others can count on, you will attract people who are good friends: honest, true, faithful and fun. True friends not only stand the test of time, but they will be by your side time and time again — there for you when all else fails.
When all else fails, too, persistence pays off. There are many reasons people fear failure — how society rewards success, the disapproval and deprivation associated with it, how it may expose their unworthiness. Quitters, however, never win and winners never quit. Thus, success means trying again, and trying again, and.... When you are at bat, it is better to go down swinging than just holding the bat and wondering what happened. It feels better to try something and fail than not to try at all, because if you are afraid to fail you are likely to become afraid of acting. That’s how drop outs occur; that’s how people avoid risks; and that’s the way to sidestep any new situations. Until you face your fear — Who taught it to you? Are others being overly judgmental or perfectionistic? Are you letting someone push you to succeed in ways not right for you? — you will avoid the important growth, development, and change that comes from taking risks, confronting new situations, and persisting through failures and disappointments.
When all else fails, drop back to the goals you have for yourself. You need to have goals — both short and long term. It doesn’t matter what they are, you need to work towards them. Your goals will change with new knowledge, experiences, relationships, and successes. However, when you set goals, really put in the time and energy needed to accomplish what you want. Expect action from yourself knowing that you have the ability, self-discipline, and self-motivation to accomplish whatever you want.
When you are having difficulty achieving your goals, engage in self-assessment. Ask yourself the questions: Are your goals appropriate? Are your standards the right ones for your life? Are they really your standards? Give yourself a chance to grow and develop in ability. Don’t take on excessive tasks or aim for unreachable achievements; go step by step.
When all else fails, remember that you are more than what you do or make. Beware of defining yourself only as the sum of your achievements or the bottom line of your financial status or even of the trips, clothes, friends, or possessions you accumulate. You will always be a growing, changing, developing person who can learn from all the experiences of your life, even the unpleasant ones. When all else fails, consider what you can learn from what is taking place now? When all else fails, view it as part of the process of exploring your world; make a note of its lessons and move on. Often, the lessons of a past failure pave the way for a future successes.
When all else fails, too, make adjustments in the myths that guide your life. For example, you do not have to be the best to be acceptable. Anything less than perfection isn’t failure. Worldly success isn’t everything. More important than worldly success is developing loving and supportive personal relationships, gradually improving your skills and abilities, learning to try new — and therefore risky — ventures.
When all else fails, look for the simpler way, answer, approach, alternative, or solution. Everything doesn’t have to be difficult, complicated, or troublesome. For example, be accepting of others and yourself just the way you are. You are enough. You are always enough. Depend on yourself for your own happiness. Live and let live. Celebrate all those things about yourself and others that make you and them unique.
When all else fails, look at yourself. Your insides are so much more important than your outsides — what you reveal to the world. It’s your brain, kindness, empathy, and sense of humor
that make you who you are. If you love to do something, do it. This is your life, your time to be alive. Try everything and anything (as long as it’s safe), and open yourself to all kinds of adventures. Make good choices, of course, but make the choices — and don’t wait.
Finally, when all else fails, look at the lighter side. Step outside of yourself, and see the humor in what you do, how you act, and who you are. Have fun. Whatever your fun might be, delight in life. Smile. Giggle. Laugh. (Roar! Hoot! Howl!) Life is too short not to have fun. Fun isn’t a feeling, it's a mindset. You control what's fun and what's not. Even cleaning can be fun, because if you tell yourself, this is fun, it becomes fun! Think about it! The reason you find anything fun is because you tell yourself it’s fun! So why not do that with everything in life and have a blast all day long?
-----
At Psychology Today Blogs, Timothy A. Pychyl has an essay, “Structured Procrastination: When all else fails,” in which he summarizes what John Perry, a professor of philosophy at Stanford University, says in his web essay and on his “Philosophy Talk” podcast - "the program that questions everything --- except your intelligence." Pychyl’s summary is enjoyable, and Perry’s theory has some merit.
At CelebrateLove.com, Larry James has an essay that deals with relationships entitled, “. . . And If All Else Fails,” in which he begins by asking: “When you have done the best you can, and your relationship seems to be falling apart at the seams, what other possibilities exist? What can you do when you have difficulty sustaining intimacy in your relationship?” James advocates counseling, and he ends his essay saying: “So, if you want to work things out, dump your preconceived ideas about what people will think or what your love partner will think if you choose to pursue therapy on your own. They are going to think whatever they think and there isn't anything that you can do about it. Besides, it doesn't matter what they think. It's your problem. You must do what you must do.”
For sheer fun, when all else fails, I recommend the book How to be funny on purpose: Creating and consuming humor, by Edgar E. Willis. It will bring humor into your life in a big way!
-----
Copyright January, 2010 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
What people of every age need to know is that they have resources beyond which they understand, appreciate, or use; thus, when all else fails, to depend on these resources may well overcome the restriction, resolve the problem, make the right choice clear, or offer the alternative that leads the way out of the dilemma.
If everyone followed (or has followed) the advice in this essay, many of their resources would already be clear because they would be often practiced and, thus, known.
In my essay, “Good, memorable advice from a father and grandfather to a younger generation,” from the book (and formerly published in The (Toledo) Blade), And Then Some: Essays to Entertain, Motivate, & Inspire there are at least 20 pieces of specific advice. That essay is an excellent place to begin for it talks of opportunity, knowledge, hard work, bouncing back, staying informed, friendship, health, responsibility, happiness, and much more. This one proceeds from where that one left off with some small amount of overlap.
When all else fails begins with belief in yourself and your abilities. Nothing else that follows here matters when there is no self-efficacy. It is the essential and fundamental cornerstone of any edifice. You must convince yourself subconsciously that you can achieve what you set out to do. In that way your efforts will be boosted and the results will reaffirm your self belief and strengthen your trust in yourself as well as your self-confidence.
Closely related to a belief in yourself is thinking of the world in a positive way. If you have a positive outlook, you will feel it. Sometimes you have to pretend, and that’s okay. When you have a smile on your face, nobody knows what’s going on inside. Also, when you’re optimistic and encouraging (reinforcing the smile on your face), others respond to what they see, and, like a self-fulfilling prophecy, it begins to take hold within you, and you begin to believe that you are truly positive and optimistic — no matter how you felt in the beginning.
When all else fails, friendships will pull you through. When you’re a good friend, someone others can count on, you will attract people who are good friends: honest, true, faithful and fun. True friends not only stand the test of time, but they will be by your side time and time again — there for you when all else fails.
When all else fails, too, persistence pays off. There are many reasons people fear failure — how society rewards success, the disapproval and deprivation associated with it, how it may expose their unworthiness. Quitters, however, never win and winners never quit. Thus, success means trying again, and trying again, and.... When you are at bat, it is better to go down swinging than just holding the bat and wondering what happened. It feels better to try something and fail than not to try at all, because if you are afraid to fail you are likely to become afraid of acting. That’s how drop outs occur; that’s how people avoid risks; and that’s the way to sidestep any new situations. Until you face your fear — Who taught it to you? Are others being overly judgmental or perfectionistic? Are you letting someone push you to succeed in ways not right for you? — you will avoid the important growth, development, and change that comes from taking risks, confronting new situations, and persisting through failures and disappointments.
When all else fails, drop back to the goals you have for yourself. You need to have goals — both short and long term. It doesn’t matter what they are, you need to work towards them. Your goals will change with new knowledge, experiences, relationships, and successes. However, when you set goals, really put in the time and energy needed to accomplish what you want. Expect action from yourself knowing that you have the ability, self-discipline, and self-motivation to accomplish whatever you want.
When you are having difficulty achieving your goals, engage in self-assessment. Ask yourself the questions: Are your goals appropriate? Are your standards the right ones for your life? Are they really your standards? Give yourself a chance to grow and develop in ability. Don’t take on excessive tasks or aim for unreachable achievements; go step by step.
When all else fails, remember that you are more than what you do or make. Beware of defining yourself only as the sum of your achievements or the bottom line of your financial status or even of the trips, clothes, friends, or possessions you accumulate. You will always be a growing, changing, developing person who can learn from all the experiences of your life, even the unpleasant ones. When all else fails, consider what you can learn from what is taking place now? When all else fails, view it as part of the process of exploring your world; make a note of its lessons and move on. Often, the lessons of a past failure pave the way for a future successes.
When all else fails, too, make adjustments in the myths that guide your life. For example, you do not have to be the best to be acceptable. Anything less than perfection isn’t failure. Worldly success isn’t everything. More important than worldly success is developing loving and supportive personal relationships, gradually improving your skills and abilities, learning to try new — and therefore risky — ventures.
When all else fails, look for the simpler way, answer, approach, alternative, or solution. Everything doesn’t have to be difficult, complicated, or troublesome. For example, be accepting of others and yourself just the way you are. You are enough. You are always enough. Depend on yourself for your own happiness. Live and let live. Celebrate all those things about yourself and others that make you and them unique.
When all else fails, look at yourself. Your insides are so much more important than your outsides — what you reveal to the world. It’s your brain, kindness, empathy, and sense of humor
that make you who you are. If you love to do something, do it. This is your life, your time to be alive. Try everything and anything (as long as it’s safe), and open yourself to all kinds of adventures. Make good choices, of course, but make the choices — and don’t wait.
Finally, when all else fails, look at the lighter side. Step outside of yourself, and see the humor in what you do, how you act, and who you are. Have fun. Whatever your fun might be, delight in life. Smile. Giggle. Laugh. (Roar! Hoot! Howl!) Life is too short not to have fun. Fun isn’t a feeling, it's a mindset. You control what's fun and what's not. Even cleaning can be fun, because if you tell yourself, this is fun, it becomes fun! Think about it! The reason you find anything fun is because you tell yourself it’s fun! So why not do that with everything in life and have a blast all day long?
-----
At Psychology Today Blogs, Timothy A. Pychyl has an essay, “Structured Procrastination: When all else fails,” in which he summarizes what John Perry, a professor of philosophy at Stanford University, says in his web essay and on his “Philosophy Talk” podcast - "the program that questions everything --- except your intelligence." Pychyl’s summary is enjoyable, and Perry’s theory has some merit.
At CelebrateLove.com, Larry James has an essay that deals with relationships entitled, “. . . And If All Else Fails,” in which he begins by asking: “When you have done the best you can, and your relationship seems to be falling apart at the seams, what other possibilities exist? What can you do when you have difficulty sustaining intimacy in your relationship?” James advocates counseling, and he ends his essay saying: “So, if you want to work things out, dump your preconceived ideas about what people will think or what your love partner will think if you choose to pursue therapy on your own. They are going to think whatever they think and there isn't anything that you can do about it. Besides, it doesn't matter what they think. It's your problem. You must do what you must do.”
For sheer fun, when all else fails, I recommend the book How to be funny on purpose: Creating and consuming humor, by Edgar E. Willis. It will bring humor into your life in a big way!
-----
Copyright January, 2010 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
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